1 00:00:50,075 --> 00:00:54,075 www.titlovi.com 2 00:00:57,075 --> 00:00:59,600 - Thank you. - Thank you. 3 00:01:00,218 --> 00:01:02,070 Thank you. 4 00:01:02,155 --> 00:01:03,796 Thank you very much, everyone. 5 00:01:03,882 --> 00:01:08,882 Now, welcome to what is a Grand Tour special, 6 00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:11,843 in which we go on vacation. 7 00:01:11,942 --> 00:01:13,499 Yep. Let me explain. 8 00:01:13,585 --> 00:01:14,983 The other day we were wondering 9 00:01:15,069 --> 00:01:19,038 why some people who want to visit the western bit of America, 10 00:01:19,235 --> 00:01:23,069 choose to do so on an RV touring holiday. 11 00:01:23,235 --> 00:01:25,936 It is very popular. I mean, we all have friends who have done it. 12 00:01:26,022 --> 00:01:27,624 And they say they had a good time. 13 00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:29,608 Sounds like caravanning to us, though. 14 00:01:29,694 --> 00:01:31,577 And you couldn't enjoy that... 15 00:01:31,663 --> 00:01:34,007 unless you were mental. However, 16 00:01:34,108 --> 00:01:37,230 Mr Wilman says that since this is a motoring, 17 00:01:37,315 --> 00:01:39,070 and travel and adventure show 18 00:01:39,155 --> 00:01:41,030 he would rent us an RV. 19 00:01:41,116 --> 00:01:43,046 And then we could go over there 20 00:01:43,132 --> 00:01:46,975 to see if we could find out what the appeal is. 21 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,772 This was the location he chose. 22 00:01:59,372 --> 00:02:04,835 And this was the Winnebago Chieftain that he rented for us. 23 00:02:04,921 --> 00:02:08,616 And it was very terrible in every way. 24 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,132 Chaps, if you'd like to brace, 25 00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:15,110 I'm gonna put my foot down, see what she'll do. Happy? 26 00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:17,140 - Yeah. - Yeah. - Here we go. 27 00:02:21,171 --> 00:02:22,546 40. 28 00:02:25,046 --> 00:02:26,874 43. 29 00:02:27,658 --> 00:02:30,405 That's flat-out. 30 00:02:31,115 --> 00:02:34,830 This slowness put Hammond and me in a bad mood. 31 00:02:34,915 --> 00:02:37,310 You're just helping yourself to cards. I... 32 00:02:37,395 --> 00:02:39,810 I thought that was the idea. Gotta find all the cards... 33 00:02:39,895 --> 00:02:41,850 I have to have a turn as well. 34 00:02:41,935 --> 00:02:43,670 Well, that'll take ages. 35 00:02:43,755 --> 00:02:45,610 Don't make my holiday worse than it already is. 36 00:02:45,695 --> 00:02:47,930 - It is pretty bad in here, isn't it? 37 00:02:48,015 --> 00:02:50,250 It's worse than I thought it would be. 38 00:02:50,335 --> 00:02:53,698 Who decided, "Yes, that wallpaper makes it look like home"? 39 00:02:53,784 --> 00:02:57,199 This material existed... 40 00:02:57,398 --> 00:03:00,550 in the late-1960s in South Yorkshire. 41 00:03:00,636 --> 00:03:02,930 It's called pleblon that we're sitting on. 42 00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:05,581 And this - this is vulgalure. 43 00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:08,370 RV design, as far as I can tell, 44 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:11,151 stopped in 1972. 45 00:03:11,237 --> 00:03:12,270 Yes. 46 00:03:12,355 --> 00:03:13,890 It's a different design language 47 00:03:13,975 --> 00:03:15,930 and the language is: Shit. 48 00:03:16,015 --> 00:03:19,170 But all of this doesn't trouble me 49 00:03:19,255 --> 00:03:22,495 half as much as that. 50 00:03:22,581 --> 00:03:23,979 We're here for a week. 51 00:03:24,065 --> 00:03:27,925 At no point will we be more than 12 feet 52 00:03:28,165 --> 00:03:30,330 from where the turds are stored. 53 00:03:31,054 --> 00:03:32,480 His turds. 54 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,058 Look at this. 55 00:03:36,235 --> 00:03:37,890 That's the lavatory door. 56 00:03:37,975 --> 00:03:40,526 Look at it. This is unacceptable. 57 00:03:40,612 --> 00:03:42,839 What separates us from the animals 58 00:03:43,019 --> 00:03:46,470 is reason and defecating in private. 59 00:03:46,555 --> 00:03:50,790 You go somewhere comfortable, read a newspaper, do your business. 60 00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:52,590 You can't do that in there. 61 00:03:52,675 --> 00:03:54,950 - What is that shocking racket? 62 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:58,010 - Everything. - Everything rattles because it's full of crap. 63 00:04:00,035 --> 00:04:02,690 I'm not... I can't... I can't do a week in here. 64 00:04:05,515 --> 00:04:08,330 After just five miles we'd had enough. 65 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:11,910 And pulled over for a cup of American coffee. 66 00:04:11,995 --> 00:04:16,050 Right. Recipe's very simple. Take a coffee bean and razor blade. 67 00:04:16,135 --> 00:04:18,810 Chop just the end off. Lovely. 68 00:04:18,895 --> 00:04:20,833 Let's check the... 69 00:04:20,919 --> 00:04:22,394 Lukewarm? Yeah. 70 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,472 Pop it in. 71 00:04:24,558 --> 00:04:26,448 Mix it up till the water is 72 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:29,214 just slightly coloured. 73 00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,308 - Perfect. - So in conclusion, then, 74 00:04:31,394 --> 00:04:33,730 there is no appeal to an RV holiday, is there? 75 00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:37,909 This whole experience wouldn't be so bad 76 00:04:37,995 --> 00:04:41,550 if we somehow could modify it, so it's better to live in. 77 00:04:41,636 --> 00:04:43,610 Well, only if we could have one each. 78 00:04:43,792 --> 00:04:45,581 Well, why don't we do that? 79 00:04:45,675 --> 00:04:47,895 Get one each? Yeah, why don't we just get one each? 80 00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,167 And then modify it to suit our particular requirements. 81 00:04:51,268 --> 00:04:53,144 We don't have to have all of this offensive... 82 00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:54,823 We can do what we want. 83 00:04:55,683 --> 00:04:58,472 We therefore abandoned Mr Wilman's RV 84 00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:01,065 and went off to buy our own. 85 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:06,440 Which we then personalised to suit our individual holiday needs. 86 00:05:10,475 --> 00:05:12,490 This is what I've gone for. 87 00:05:12,575 --> 00:05:15,250 It's the Ford F550 National Tropical. 88 00:05:15,335 --> 00:05:18,150 And... it's 36 feet long. 89 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,870 Why so massive? 90 00:05:19,955 --> 00:05:21,690 I wanted to modify it in such a way 91 00:05:21,775 --> 00:05:24,110 that I brought a small taste of home with me. 92 00:05:24,195 --> 00:05:26,290 - Can you guess what it is? - Er... 93 00:05:26,375 --> 00:05:28,170 - Brown furniture. - A tea cosy. 94 00:05:28,255 --> 00:05:29,810 - A rusty motorcycle. - No. 95 00:05:29,895 --> 00:05:31,520 - Follow me. - What? 96 00:05:32,524 --> 00:05:35,151 Holy moly! 97 00:05:35,237 --> 00:05:36,369 Whoa-ho! 98 00:05:36,455 --> 00:05:38,667 Yes, welcome to the Rack and Pinion. What will it be? 99 00:05:38,753 --> 00:05:41,714 - I'm in a pub. - I'm staggered. 100 00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:44,129 It's got peanuts on the wall, terrible pictures. 101 00:05:44,215 --> 00:05:46,151 - Yes. - This is fabulous. 102 00:05:46,237 --> 00:05:48,151 - I know. - Warm brown beer. 103 00:05:48,237 --> 00:05:50,852 Yep. Would you like a glass of Lady Petrol? 104 00:05:50,990 --> 00:05:54,885 - Is that rosé? Lady Petrol? - Yes. I've equipped it with your favourite drinks. 105 00:05:55,095 --> 00:05:57,394 - What's that? - That's for you. 106 00:05:57,534 --> 00:05:58,776 Brummie's Ruin. 107 00:05:58,862 --> 00:05:59,870 It's gin. \- It's gin. 108 00:05:59,956 --> 00:06:01,621 Have you remembered to ensure there're sufficient 109 00:06:01,706 --> 00:06:03,090 urine traces in the peanuts? 110 00:06:03,175 --> 00:06:05,430 Yes, I urinated on them myself. 111 00:06:05,515 --> 00:06:09,450 Can I just ask: why have you got a drawing of three stroke victims on the wall? 112 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,075 That's us. 113 00:06:12,155 --> 00:06:14,409 - Er... - What? 114 00:06:14,495 --> 00:06:17,495 - Dartboard. - Yes, it's a pub. 115 00:06:17,581 --> 00:06:20,910 Darts is a fine game and helped England win a lot of wars. 116 00:06:20,995 --> 00:06:23,464 Darts is for people who have no conversation. 117 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,990 - Rubbish! - Who wants to go to the pub and do maths? 118 00:06:26,075 --> 00:06:28,470 It's no good telling me what you want your pub to be like. 119 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,731 - I don't want my pub... - This is my pub. This is what it's like. 120 00:06:30,816 --> 00:06:32,940 This is a traditional pub. 121 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,162 - This is what they look like. - This is great. It works. 122 00:06:35,247 --> 00:06:37,102 We're already talking pub bollocks. 123 00:06:37,315 --> 00:06:39,530 James, it's my job to ridicule you, obviously. 124 00:06:39,615 --> 00:06:43,470 But I can't. Because, apart from the dartboard, you've done an incredible job. 125 00:06:43,556 --> 00:06:46,064 - Thank you. - But it isn't quite as incredible 126 00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:48,495 as the job I've done. 127 00:06:49,972 --> 00:06:54,250 Whoa! I've gone, as you can see, for a nautical theme. 128 00:06:54,335 --> 00:06:56,519 - In the desert. - Yes, bear with me. 129 00:06:56,605 --> 00:06:58,300 Two-tone paintwork, obviously. 130 00:06:58,386 --> 00:07:02,097 Jet ski on the back, and then, up on the top, 131 00:07:02,183 --> 00:07:06,886 and this really is the pièce de résistance, the flying bridge. 132 00:07:07,011 --> 00:07:10,010 - What, so you can drive it from outside? - Why would you not do that? 133 00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:12,770 - Because you built it. - I hate jet skis, by the way. 134 00:07:12,855 --> 00:07:16,910 I know, but I... You told me my hatred of darts is irrelevant. 135 00:07:16,995 --> 00:07:19,170 - You kept mentioning it. - It does look nautical. 136 00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:21,330 - Shoes off. Shoes off. - What? 137 00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:23,030 - Shoes off. - Why? 138 00:07:23,115 --> 00:07:25,190 - It's a boat. - Oh, I hate that! 139 00:07:25,275 --> 00:07:27,190 I can afford £2 million on a boat, 140 00:07:27,275 --> 00:07:30,530 but not a new bit of carpet if it gets some dust on it off my shoes. 141 00:07:30,615 --> 00:07:32,570 - It's a bit Surrey. - Off. 142 00:07:32,655 --> 00:07:34,870 - Oh, God. - Right, good. 143 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,290 Right, boots are off. Whoa! 144 00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:40,840 - What? - Is this all bathroom? 145 00:07:41,577 --> 00:07:44,003 Yes, obviously. Or lavatory. 146 00:07:44,112 --> 00:07:46,284 Shower here, tiled, as you can see. 147 00:07:46,455 --> 00:07:47,808 Tasteful. 148 00:07:47,894 --> 00:07:51,209 Sink unit, vanity mirror, restrained. 149 00:07:51,295 --> 00:07:55,253 And... just pop this open like so. 150 00:07:55,995 --> 00:07:57,870 - Wow. - Lower the flap, 151 00:07:57,955 --> 00:08:00,573 which means that in the morning... 152 00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:03,944 I can... sit down 153 00:08:04,076 --> 00:08:06,111 and I can... well, I can see the pub. 154 00:08:06,329 --> 00:08:09,175 As we know, luxury is defined by light and space. 155 00:08:09,261 --> 00:08:11,721 - Hm? - So this is a luxurious bog. 156 00:08:11,807 --> 00:08:13,690 - Correct. - And also, look. 157 00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:17,791 This is not some camping lavatory where you defecate on a piece of plastic. 158 00:08:17,877 --> 00:08:19,292 Observe. 159 00:08:21,154 --> 00:08:23,069 Oh, it's a proper thing. 160 00:08:23,155 --> 00:08:25,530 Well, how, where does... where does that go? 161 00:08:25,616 --> 00:08:28,737 - Underneath the RV. - What, to, like, a tank or something? 162 00:08:29,048 --> 00:08:31,143 No, underneath the RV. 163 00:08:31,229 --> 00:08:33,607 What, you're going to drive off in your bathroom 164 00:08:33,693 --> 00:08:36,788 - leaving behind a mound of turds? - Yes. 165 00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:38,932 - Where are you gonna sleep? - Here. 166 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,854 This is the exact same width as my forearm. 167 00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:43,182 Oh, yes. 168 00:08:43,268 --> 00:08:46,683 It's more of a cupboard, really, isn't it? 169 00:08:46,769 --> 00:08:50,524 The roof, however, was a different story. 170 00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,785 - Whoa! - Oh, I say. 171 00:08:52,871 --> 00:08:54,786 Well, this is wasted space normally, isn't it? 172 00:08:54,872 --> 00:08:57,440 - Exactly. - It's pretty good this, Hammond. 173 00:08:57,564 --> 00:08:59,096 - But hang on a minute. - What? 174 00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:00,583 This is... This is very impressive. 175 00:09:00,668 --> 00:09:03,262 - It's very... - Aargh! Ha-ha, ha ha-ha! 176 00:09:03,379 --> 00:09:06,012 Oh, yes! 177 00:09:06,098 --> 00:09:07,777 - Ha, ha-ha! - Oh, ho. 178 00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:10,010 - So that's something to look forward to. - Aargh! 179 00:09:10,095 --> 00:09:12,990 Yeah, don't let skin touch anything. 180 00:09:13,075 --> 00:09:16,810 Right, so assuming you were able to sit in the scaldingly hot seat. 181 00:09:16,895 --> 00:09:18,830 - Yes. - Under the blazing sun. 182 00:09:18,915 --> 00:09:20,510 - Yes. - How does it work? 183 00:09:20,595 --> 00:09:22,690 Have you got brakes and accelerator and... 184 00:09:22,926 --> 00:09:24,910 Accelerating. 185 00:09:25,004 --> 00:09:26,504 - Braking. - Right. 186 00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:28,765 - Gears. - Oh, so it really is a boat. 187 00:09:28,851 --> 00:09:31,926 Yeah. Look, the way I see it is this, gentlemen. 188 00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:35,950 Almost no one would want to go on holiday in a 36-foot caravan, 189 00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:37,965 but everybody would bite your arm off 190 00:09:38,051 --> 00:09:40,551 to go on holiday in a 36-foot gin palace. 191 00:09:40,762 --> 00:09:42,970 - They're not really that different. - No, they're not. 192 00:09:43,055 --> 00:09:45,810 It's just one floats on water and one goes on land. 193 00:09:45,895 --> 00:09:47,746 - Right, Hammond. - Yes. 194 00:09:47,832 --> 00:09:50,223 - Where's yours? - Over there. 195 00:09:50,641 --> 00:09:53,520 - What, behind the lorry? - No, it is the lorry. That's it. 196 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,310 That's not an RV. 197 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,676 It is. Look, it's big, I can sleep on it and it's got a bike on the back. 198 00:09:58,762 --> 00:10:00,144 That's a recreational vehicle right there. 199 00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:02,277 This we have got to see. 200 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:10,110 It's big and it needs to move along, so a truck is the obvious answer. 201 00:10:10,195 --> 00:10:12,430 - What sort of truck is it? - I don't know. Truck. 202 00:10:12,515 --> 00:10:15,010 These are the ones that used to be the U-Haul lorry. Ooh! 203 00:10:15,095 --> 00:10:17,715 You've still got the sign of the previous owner on it. 204 00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:18,810 It doesn't matter. 205 00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:20,830 Come aboard, leave your shoes on, 206 00:10:20,915 --> 00:10:22,690 cos this wood is very splintery. 207 00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:25,430 Um... 208 00:10:25,515 --> 00:10:27,699 Here's the living accommodation. 209 00:10:27,915 --> 00:10:30,426 - What living accommodation? - There's a bed. 210 00:10:30,519 --> 00:10:33,957 There, bed. Telescope in case I get bored in the evening. 211 00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:38,090 And then rocking chair in case of visitors and a motorcycle on the back. 212 00:10:38,175 --> 00:10:40,168 So, just two secs. 213 00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:42,169 - Stacks. - Yeah. 214 00:10:42,255 --> 00:10:43,870 - Engine? - It's got a V8. 215 00:10:43,956 --> 00:10:47,152 - Whose? - Mine now, I bought the truck. 216 00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:49,430 You have made no effort whatsoever. 217 00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:51,863 Oh, no, now I have, but I've distilled it down. 218 00:10:51,949 --> 00:10:56,043 I haven't wasted time and effort on complicated stuff I don't need. 219 00:10:56,129 --> 00:10:58,293 - This is honest. - So when you come to my... 220 00:10:58,379 --> 00:11:00,716 and say, "Please, Jeremy, can I borrow your lavatory?" in the morning, 221 00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:03,409 I'm gonna say no, cos you accused me of wasting time. 222 00:11:03,495 --> 00:11:05,990 And if you want to come to my pub for a drink of your gin, 223 00:11:06,075 --> 00:11:07,610 which I've put on tap for you, I'll say, 224 00:11:07,695 --> 00:11:09,036 "No, it's just a waste of time, Hammond." 225 00:11:09,121 --> 00:11:12,320 I didn't realise we were setting up a sort of stock exchange of resources 226 00:11:12,406 --> 00:11:14,816 - needed by the roaming camper. - Hammond? 227 00:11:14,902 --> 00:11:15,767 Yes? 228 00:11:15,853 --> 00:11:18,363 Your lorry, I'm not gonna call it an RV... 229 00:11:18,449 --> 00:11:20,457 - It isn't an RV. - Is dismal. 230 00:11:20,543 --> 00:11:22,441 God strewth. 231 00:11:22,527 --> 00:11:25,379 On that note, we set off... 232 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:29,289 to see what our RVs and Hammond's lorry, 233 00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:31,168 were like on the road. 234 00:11:37,195 --> 00:11:40,129 So, let's have a look at what we've got on the dash here. 235 00:11:40,270 --> 00:11:43,668 Left-hand panel: don't know what any of that does. 236 00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:46,329 Central panel, four warning lights. 237 00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:47,770 Don't know what they're for. 238 00:11:47,856 --> 00:11:49,191 They've got handwritten notices 239 00:11:49,282 --> 00:11:51,129 but that's all rubbed off. 240 00:11:51,257 --> 00:11:55,441 Everything on the right-hand panel: CB radio, stereo tape player etcetera - 241 00:11:55,527 --> 00:11:57,910 all broken. Switch here? 242 00:11:58,644 --> 00:12:00,309 Nothing. 243 00:12:00,652 --> 00:12:04,527 Air con is good, though, and that, frankly, is all that matters. 244 00:12:04,695 --> 00:12:06,793 It's 100 degrees out there. 245 00:12:11,395 --> 00:12:14,652 Hello, viewers. You join me driving my pub. 246 00:12:14,848 --> 00:12:17,130 And given that the two things I do most in life 247 00:12:17,215 --> 00:12:19,530 are driving and going to the pub, 248 00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,496 this is a perfect arrangement, isn't it? 249 00:12:22,585 --> 00:12:24,560 Go on, change up, you bastard. 250 00:12:25,137 --> 00:12:27,322 Thank you. 251 00:12:31,475 --> 00:12:33,582 Nice view, that. 252 00:12:33,668 --> 00:12:35,941 Better than the view from my pub back home. 253 00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:39,480 That's a view of a wall and some bins. 254 00:12:41,711 --> 00:12:44,756 Hello, America. I'm here to explore. 255 00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:47,925 I'm not gonna push it hard up this hill, 256 00:12:48,011 --> 00:12:50,356 cos I've noticed it's running quite hot. 257 00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:54,121 Yeah, doing er... 15 miles an hour, 258 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:57,098 but... I'm really not in a race. 259 00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:01,592 Yeah, I'm down to 13 miles an hour. 260 00:13:04,235 --> 00:13:06,145 Which is plenty. 261 00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:12,130 That's... That's my engine. 262 00:13:12,371 --> 00:13:14,730 My engine is backfiring. 263 00:13:14,815 --> 00:13:17,360 Yeah. 264 00:13:19,275 --> 00:13:21,480 You don't wanna break down round here. 265 00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:24,152 This is where all the madmen live... 266 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:29,360 that follow you in pick-up trucks and black lorries. 267 00:13:30,621 --> 00:13:32,230 What is...? 268 00:13:33,374 --> 00:13:35,619 What's that? 269 00:13:38,573 --> 00:13:40,218 What the hell? 270 00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:52,730 Did you see that guy? 271 00:13:53,955 --> 00:13:56,012 I didn't see anybody. Where? 272 00:13:56,387 --> 00:13:57,746 What guy? 273 00:13:57,832 --> 00:14:01,067 The guy at the side of the road. Did you see him? 274 00:14:01,309 --> 00:14:02,724 No, I didn't see anybody. 275 00:14:02,895 --> 00:14:04,850 No, there was nobody in the road. 276 00:14:04,935 --> 00:14:06,496 Jeremy. 277 00:14:06,582 --> 00:14:08,410 Why aren't you driving yours on the roof? 278 00:14:08,495 --> 00:14:10,150 Well, it's annoying. 279 00:14:10,235 --> 00:14:12,450 It turns out off-road I can drive it on the roof, 280 00:14:12,535 --> 00:14:14,090 but when I'm on the road, 281 00:14:14,175 --> 00:14:16,750 there's a law that says I can't. 282 00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:19,210 What, that you can't drive your RV from the roof? 283 00:14:19,295 --> 00:14:22,690 - Yeah, I know. - It's health and safety gone mad. 284 00:14:22,775 --> 00:14:24,270 It's ridiculous. 285 00:14:24,355 --> 00:14:28,250 My only real issue, and it is - it's significant - 286 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:32,630 is that my idle speed is 5,000rpm, 287 00:14:32,715 --> 00:14:35,730 which means my foot is now not on the accelerator 288 00:14:35,815 --> 00:14:38,590 and I'm now doing 48. 289 00:14:38,675 --> 00:14:40,920 Oh, Christ... Hang on, wait, stand by. 290 00:14:45,547 --> 00:14:48,277 You have to jab the throttle like that, 291 00:14:48,363 --> 00:14:50,378 to get it to stop accelerating, 292 00:14:50,464 --> 00:14:53,339 which, of course, causes you to accelerate more. 293 00:14:53,515 --> 00:14:54,770 So if there's an emergency, 294 00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:57,730 I must accelerate like that... 295 00:14:57,816 --> 00:15:01,496 to then be able to slow down. 296 00:15:04,395 --> 00:15:05,790 Look at that. 297 00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,150 If he had a purple jacket on 298 00:15:07,235 --> 00:15:08,816 he'd look like one of those men 299 00:15:08,934 --> 00:15:11,790 who takes old ladies on tours of North Wales. 300 00:15:12,059 --> 00:15:15,360 I'm going to pull in in front of you, so tell me when I can. 301 00:15:15,994 --> 00:15:19,137 Not yet. Not yet. 302 00:15:19,839 --> 00:15:23,613 Not yet. Not yet. 303 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:27,270 Not yet. Not yet. 304 00:15:27,776 --> 00:15:29,331 Now. 305 00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:32,089 Can you speed up a bit, Hammond? We're all bunching up. 306 00:15:32,175 --> 00:15:33,630 Urrrrh! 307 00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:36,090 I can't go much faster than this. 308 00:15:36,434 --> 00:15:40,270 It starts to overheat quite badly and suddenly. 309 00:15:40,652 --> 00:15:44,105 I'm not sure I'd trust us three doing... 310 00:15:44,191 --> 00:15:45,840 doing this. 311 00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:51,855 Soon we arrived in a typical American town. 312 00:15:54,319 --> 00:15:58,410 Which, of course, had a typical RV campsite. 313 00:16:00,275 --> 00:16:03,277 This'll do. We're home. 314 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,395 So, we decided to check in for the night. 315 00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:11,194 Ow. 316 00:16:11,475 --> 00:16:14,400 33 I'm looking for. 317 00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:17,115 That's me. 318 00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:27,858 Stop, stop. 319 00:16:27,944 --> 00:16:29,999 Stop. Stop. 320 00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:36,840 Idle speed has gone completely berserk. 321 00:16:37,715 --> 00:16:39,110 I do apologise, everybody. 322 00:16:39,195 --> 00:16:40,970 There's literally nothing I can do. 323 00:16:41,055 --> 00:16:44,230 That is my idle speed. 324 00:16:44,764 --> 00:16:47,642 Aargh! Ha-ha, ha-ha! 325 00:16:47,775 --> 00:16:53,265 My ignition key is at 3,000 degrees centigrade. 326 00:16:53,515 --> 00:16:57,150 Sorry, everyone. Sorry about the noise. 327 00:16:57,235 --> 00:16:58,950 I know, we'll use the director. 328 00:16:59,044 --> 00:17:00,292 Sorry, mate, if you could just 329 00:17:00,378 --> 00:17:02,465 turn the engine off that would be great. 330 00:17:05,084 --> 00:17:08,889 Call 911. He's going to need some fingers in a minute. 331 00:17:09,955 --> 00:17:11,590 Ow! 332 00:17:17,315 --> 00:17:19,070 Yeah, it does that. 333 00:17:19,155 --> 00:17:20,970 How hot are those ignition keys? 334 00:17:21,055 --> 00:17:23,670 Hot! 335 00:17:23,755 --> 00:17:25,950 Not as hot as the cameraman's right leg. 336 00:17:26,035 --> 00:17:27,588 Yeah, that nearly took my... 337 00:17:27,682 --> 00:17:31,000 That was flame enveloped your right leg. 338 00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:33,041 Oh, sh... Oh, guys. 339 00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:35,432 We have an emergency. 340 00:17:38,365 --> 00:17:39,925 Yeah. 341 00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:46,229 On the other, more peaceful side of the park, 342 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:49,540 I'd settled down to soak up life in my row. 343 00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:53,120 Hello, neighbour. 344 00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:02,280 I'll come over later, maybe play cards or something. 345 00:18:07,599 --> 00:18:11,394 That dog's taking a wee. 346 00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:15,890 Meanwhile, at the Rack and Pinion, it was opening time. 347 00:18:38,115 --> 00:18:40,200 Drop by for a beer later if you like. 348 00:18:45,721 --> 00:18:48,690 As James got acquainted with his neighbours, 349 00:18:48,775 --> 00:18:52,950 Hammond was showing me the view from his veranda. 350 00:18:53,035 --> 00:18:55,565 There is a compound there where you take your dog for a crap. 351 00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:58,041 Is that... is that a dog lavatory? Yes. 352 00:18:58,127 --> 00:19:01,302 My... My porch overlooks it. 353 00:19:01,522 --> 00:19:04,002 Can I tell you what a member of our crew, 354 00:19:04,088 --> 00:19:06,110 who I won't name because it'd be embarrassing, but it was... 355 00:19:06,195 --> 00:19:08,890 - What does it begin with? - It was Ellis the photographer it begins with. 356 00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:11,674 He said to me, is when people come round these places, 357 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,715 - what you do is... - Yeah? 358 00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:16,590 It's not for camera. 359 00:19:16,675 --> 00:19:20,721 You put the word "anal" in front of all of the names of the caravans. 360 00:19:20,807 --> 00:19:23,052 - So you've got Anal Wanderer... 361 00:19:24,115 --> 00:19:26,260 Anal Gearbox... 362 00:19:26,346 --> 00:19:29,377 - Anal Desire. - Anal Hemisphere. 363 00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:32,754 Anal Open Range. Anal Cougar. 364 00:19:33,097 --> 00:19:35,604 Anal Sprinter. 365 00:19:35,713 --> 00:19:38,370 That's what you do! 366 00:19:38,455 --> 00:19:43,893 Over at the pub, James was dispensing drinks to the locals. 367 00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:47,515 It's a bit lively, sir. I'm sorry, but the pub has been on the move 368 00:19:47,601 --> 00:19:49,430 - and rattled around quite a bit. - Oh, I bet. 369 00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:52,370 If you leave that just to settle for a few minutes. 370 00:19:52,455 --> 00:19:54,523 I'll try a warm brown, please. 371 00:19:57,275 --> 00:19:59,430 - More foamy? - A little bit foamy. 372 00:19:59,515 --> 00:20:02,090 If you'd like to just let that settle for a bit, sir. 373 00:20:02,343 --> 00:20:05,531 I think I'll go with a Jack Daniels. 374 00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:10,369 Having run out of bottom jokes, Hammond and I had gone for a walk 375 00:20:10,455 --> 00:20:15,000 in what's billed as the great American wilderness. 376 00:20:22,195 --> 00:20:24,440 - Is that a scrapyard? - Yes. 377 00:20:28,315 --> 00:20:30,976 I do prefer the Lake District. 378 00:20:31,422 --> 00:20:35,009 Back at the pub, James was entertaining his guests 379 00:20:35,095 --> 00:20:37,218 with his conversation. 380 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,850 What you call warm British beer to us is cellar temperature, 381 00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:45,367 which is not as cold as a refrigerator but colder than room temperature. 382 00:20:45,738 --> 00:20:47,963 Right, right, right. 383 00:20:50,224 --> 00:20:51,999 Erm... anybody mind if I have one? 384 00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,703 - No. Help yourself. - No. Help yourself. 385 00:20:58,315 --> 00:21:00,870 I mean, there must be more to it than this. 386 00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,830 You do wonder what people do. 387 00:21:02,915 --> 00:21:05,078 I don't wonder. I know what they do. 388 00:21:05,273 --> 00:21:07,160 They wife-swap. 389 00:21:07,955 --> 00:21:10,476 - Sunset? - It's lovely. 390 00:21:16,795 --> 00:21:17,970 - Hammond. - What? 391 00:21:18,055 --> 00:21:20,078 - Hammond. Do you...? - What? 392 00:21:20,164 --> 00:21:22,409 - Did you see that? - See what? 393 00:21:26,857 --> 00:21:29,882 - What? - No, nothing. 394 00:21:30,202 --> 00:21:32,517 - I'm going to turn in. - Yeah, you're right. Sleep. 395 00:21:32,915 --> 00:21:35,382 Well, this year, because we've had a record summer, 396 00:21:35,468 --> 00:21:36,828 it's actually very warm and sunny 397 00:21:36,914 --> 00:21:38,593 but usually... September's all right 398 00:21:38,694 --> 00:21:42,085 but by the time you get to November, certainly, it's getting cold. 399 00:21:42,178 --> 00:21:44,543 The worst bit in England is sort of January... 400 00:21:46,595 --> 00:21:49,810 After James had run out of his conversation, 401 00:21:49,895 --> 00:21:51,730 he shut his pub for the night 402 00:21:51,815 --> 00:21:55,912 and came round to my place with a plan. 403 00:21:57,064 --> 00:21:58,357 Clarkson. 404 00:22:00,035 --> 00:22:01,230 Clarkson. 405 00:22:01,315 --> 00:22:03,290 - What? - I've got an idea. 406 00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:06,750 - What? - To go and burgle Hammond's tent. 407 00:22:06,835 --> 00:22:10,320 You know how he's been burgled before and he just doesn't notice? 408 00:22:12,755 --> 00:22:16,470 - Oh, my God, yes. - Exactly. 409 00:22:16,555 --> 00:22:20,250 Hammond claimed after he was burgled on holiday last year, 410 00:22:20,335 --> 00:22:24,850 he hadn't woken up because the burglars had gassed him. 411 00:22:24,935 --> 00:22:26,830 Yeah, right. 412 00:22:26,915 --> 00:22:30,400 - Where's his lorry tent? - The far side. 413 00:22:53,475 --> 00:22:55,720 Where's all my stuff? 414 00:22:57,675 --> 00:22:59,920 The bastards! 415 00:23:11,555 --> 00:23:14,440 - Good morning. - Hm. Dubious. 416 00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:17,193 Ow. 417 00:23:19,747 --> 00:23:21,752 Clarkson! 418 00:23:23,113 --> 00:23:25,468 - What? - Have you stolen my bag? 419 00:23:25,702 --> 00:23:27,937 - What? - Have you stolen my bag? 420 00:23:28,069 --> 00:23:29,444 - No. - Yes, you have. 421 00:23:29,530 --> 00:23:30,950 I haven't. 422 00:23:32,350 --> 00:23:34,305 Took everything. 423 00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:36,230 That's all I have. 424 00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:37,850 - You've been burgled? - Yes. 425 00:23:37,935 --> 00:23:39,990 They must have gassed you. 426 00:23:40,075 --> 00:23:41,610 That's all I can think of, Hammond. 427 00:23:41,695 --> 00:23:44,849 I know that you're saying that to be funny. Ha-ha! 428 00:23:44,935 --> 00:23:46,570 Well, that's what you said when you got burgled in France. 429 00:23:46,655 --> 00:23:49,390 - Because it probably was. - But you probably were again last night. 430 00:23:49,475 --> 00:23:51,670 - How are you feeling? - You haven't got it? Seriously? 431 00:23:51,756 --> 00:23:53,461 I haven't got your bag. 432 00:23:57,109 --> 00:23:58,424 James. 433 00:23:58,510 --> 00:24:00,145 - James... - Hang on. 434 00:24:00,231 --> 00:24:02,806 - Have you stolen my bag? - You what? 435 00:24:02,892 --> 00:24:05,185 - Have you stolen my bag? - No. 436 00:24:10,635 --> 00:24:14,130 He's just this lonely little figure. 437 00:24:16,506 --> 00:24:19,451 Shall we let him have breakfast before we admit that we've got his bag? 438 00:24:19,537 --> 00:24:20,834 Well... 439 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,545 I don't really want to sit eating breakfast 440 00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:24,521 with him naked, that's the thing. 441 00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:28,896 Hammond, I think we've solved your crime. 442 00:24:28,982 --> 00:24:30,873 We've solved it. 443 00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:34,134 We have found the gas canisters, look, here. 444 00:24:34,220 --> 00:24:36,360 It's a lot of gas. 445 00:24:36,834 --> 00:24:39,069 If you've had this much gas... 446 00:24:39,155 --> 00:24:41,010 It looks like a litre and a half of gas. 447 00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:44,070 It's interesting they've spelt gas wrong, look. 448 00:24:44,155 --> 00:24:46,170 Well, they got the first letter right. 449 00:24:46,255 --> 00:24:47,545 Look, here. 450 00:24:47,631 --> 00:24:49,046 You're saying I gassed myself? 451 00:24:49,255 --> 00:24:51,550 They weren't both full when I started. 452 00:24:51,635 --> 00:24:54,090 - That's because you'd already started them. 453 00:25:00,835 --> 00:25:03,250 Having given Hammond his clothes back, 454 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,510 we met for breakfast at the pub. 455 00:25:06,595 --> 00:25:10,130 I was kept awake for some time last night by the man in the neighbouring RV 456 00:25:10,215 --> 00:25:12,510 - scratching his eczema. - Ooh. 457 00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:14,370 Or might have been sanding a table. 458 00:25:14,455 --> 00:25:16,970 No, I had a couple in the one next to me. 459 00:25:17,055 --> 00:25:20,750 - And when I say next to me, I mean here. - Yes. 460 00:25:20,835 --> 00:25:23,010 - Why do they do that? - I don't know. 461 00:25:23,095 --> 00:25:24,830 Nevada's massive. 462 00:25:24,915 --> 00:25:27,258 Why would you park your... "Right, we're going to Nevada" 463 00:25:27,344 --> 00:25:29,970 because it's massive and empty and I'm going to park there, 464 00:25:30,055 --> 00:25:34,240 so that they can hear the precise moment when my wife and I... 465 00:25:35,035 --> 00:25:37,670 "do grown-up things." 466 00:25:37,755 --> 00:25:42,970 We then discussed what holiday activity we'd do to fill the day. 467 00:25:43,055 --> 00:25:45,550 - Balloon rides. - I hate balloons! 468 00:25:45,635 --> 00:25:47,870 - The world's largest gift shop. - No. 469 00:25:47,955 --> 00:25:50,070 How do they know it's the world's largest? 470 00:25:50,155 --> 00:25:52,563 Is it a shop containing the world's largest gift? 471 00:25:52,649 --> 00:25:53,639 No. 472 00:25:53,725 --> 00:25:54,870 Yes. 473 00:25:54,955 --> 00:25:58,561 Is there anything a bit more cultural, like Indian art? 474 00:25:58,678 --> 00:26:00,130 Or Native American, as we should say. 475 00:26:00,215 --> 00:26:01,803 You just said Indian, you racist. 476 00:26:01,889 --> 00:26:02,960 That's not actually racist. 477 00:26:03,045 --> 00:26:05,449 James, we're not going to look at Native American art. 478 00:26:05,535 --> 00:26:06,959 - Why not? - It's rubbish. 479 00:26:07,045 --> 00:26:08,430 How do you know it's rubbish? 480 00:26:08,515 --> 00:26:10,410 - Because I've seen it. It's rubbish. - You haven't seen all of it. 481 00:26:10,495 --> 00:26:13,790 Well, I've seen some. I've seen enough of it to know it's dreary. 482 00:26:13,875 --> 00:26:16,430 - Sunrise meditation. - Oh, that'll be good. 483 00:26:16,515 --> 00:26:18,470 It isn't good. What would be good about that? 484 00:26:18,555 --> 00:26:21,090 I don't know because I haven't seen it but I'm prepared to have a look. 485 00:26:21,175 --> 00:26:24,130 Why don't we... You know those big Baja 486 00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:27,630 off-road 28-inch suspension travel things? 487 00:26:27,715 --> 00:26:29,650 - Dune racer type things. - Dune racers. 488 00:26:29,735 --> 00:26:32,970 Why don't we get three of those and belt around in the desert? 489 00:26:33,055 --> 00:26:35,070 - Yes. - Cos that would be bovine. 490 00:26:35,155 --> 00:26:36,330 I wouldn't learn anything from that. 491 00:26:36,415 --> 00:26:38,070 I'd rather go and do something cultural. 492 00:26:38,155 --> 00:26:39,730 Blasting around a dune sounds like fun. 493 00:26:39,815 --> 00:26:41,510 Come on. I tell you what, 494 00:26:41,595 --> 00:26:44,186 you want to go and do Native American art. 495 00:26:44,272 --> 00:26:45,050 Mm-hm. 496 00:26:45,135 --> 00:26:47,930 - We want to go dune racing. Yes? - Right. 497 00:26:48,015 --> 00:26:50,290 Let's have a vote. 498 00:26:52,435 --> 00:26:54,680 I would be driving this. 499 00:26:55,555 --> 00:26:58,720 A Jakes Fabworks JF5U. 500 00:27:00,635 --> 00:27:03,170 James would be driving this. 501 00:27:03,255 --> 00:27:06,040 An Alumi Craft Class 10. 502 00:27:07,715 --> 00:27:10,000 And Hammond would have this. 503 00:27:10,995 --> 00:27:13,240 A plastic green pick-up truck. 504 00:27:17,675 --> 00:27:21,550 OK. Now, this is supposed to be... 505 00:27:21,635 --> 00:27:23,637 Ow! ..a Volkswagen Beetle. 506 00:27:23,833 --> 00:27:26,028 Because that is where this sport began - 507 00:27:26,114 --> 00:27:29,153 people racing Bugs round the desert. 508 00:27:30,393 --> 00:27:34,942 But it's got a 2.4 litre Chevrolet engine... 509 00:27:36,593 --> 00:27:39,548 and a sequential gearbox. 510 00:27:39,633 --> 00:27:43,598 The only thing it really has in common with a Beetle is nothing. 511 00:27:46,113 --> 00:27:48,033 Jumping! 512 00:27:49,147 --> 00:27:50,822 Ha-ha! 513 00:27:50,993 --> 00:27:55,512 Over we go, 16 inches of suspension travel at the front. 514 00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:03,872 18 at the back means landing is really very comfortable. 515 00:28:10,937 --> 00:28:13,091 Oh, yes! 516 00:28:16,713 --> 00:28:20,588 My 2013 Currie underneath this plastic pick-up body 517 00:28:20,673 --> 00:28:23,988 has the same tubular space range chassis as the other two. 518 00:28:24,073 --> 00:28:25,648 But I've only got a two-litre engine. 519 00:28:25,733 --> 00:28:30,268 However, it's a Ford Eco Boost, so it's turbo-charged. 520 00:28:30,353 --> 00:28:33,528 And they've tuned it so it's putting out just shy... 521 00:28:33,613 --> 00:28:34,988 Landing! 522 00:28:35,073 --> 00:28:38,307 Of 300 brake horsepower. 523 00:28:39,793 --> 00:28:42,463 And now I'm gonna fly again. 524 00:28:42,694 --> 00:28:45,419 Aagh! Ha-ha-ha! 525 00:28:46,189 --> 00:28:48,264 This is bliss. 526 00:28:48,513 --> 00:28:52,908 Meanwhile, in the Alumi Craft Class 10... 527 00:28:52,993 --> 00:28:55,828 I've got dust in my face. 528 00:28:55,913 --> 00:28:57,248 It doesn't have a windscreen. 529 00:28:57,333 --> 00:29:00,508 I don't like cars with no windscreen. 530 00:29:00,815 --> 00:29:02,488 Why do I let the others talk me into this? 531 00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:05,112 Why don't I just tell them to bugger off? 532 00:29:08,274 --> 00:29:10,547 Ahhh-ha-ha! 533 00:29:10,633 --> 00:29:13,805 Last time I did that it ended very badly! 534 00:29:15,513 --> 00:29:18,368 The races they do in these things are enormous. 535 00:29:18,453 --> 00:29:21,168 Hundreds, sometimes 1,000 miles or more. 536 00:29:21,253 --> 00:29:25,773 Sometimes they'll spend nine hours a day in the driving seat. 537 00:29:26,873 --> 00:29:29,477 Oh! I so want one of these. 538 00:29:31,113 --> 00:29:33,734 Come on, let's have some air here! 539 00:29:34,645 --> 00:29:36,740 Yeah! Ha-ha-ha! 540 00:29:36,826 --> 00:29:38,937 What a riot! 541 00:29:40,326 --> 00:29:44,031 How can James May not enjoy this? 542 00:29:44,633 --> 00:29:48,094 As it happened, he was starting to enjoy it. 543 00:29:48,635 --> 00:29:51,406 And weeeee! 544 00:29:54,145 --> 00:29:56,800 Getting sideways a bit. 545 00:29:56,893 --> 00:29:58,242 Whoa. 546 00:30:00,673 --> 00:30:03,422 Watch me fly! Here I go. 547 00:30:05,753 --> 00:30:08,922 Ha-ha! I'm gonna do one more. 548 00:30:10,553 --> 00:30:12,848 After Billy Bob May had had his fun... 549 00:30:12,933 --> 00:30:15,203 Weeeee! 550 00:30:15,353 --> 00:30:18,601 - We all stopped for a breather. - Yes. 551 00:30:18,687 --> 00:30:21,626 I don't like admitting you're right, but I can be magnanimous. It's brilliant. 552 00:30:21,711 --> 00:30:23,848 You've wasted your life with Chopin and plywood. 553 00:30:23,933 --> 00:30:25,588 You're a dune racer. 554 00:30:25,673 --> 00:30:28,428 You've always been a dune racer, you just didn't know you were. 555 00:30:28,513 --> 00:30:30,416 It was just fantastic, and it's comfortable. 556 00:30:30,502 --> 00:30:33,190 That's the thing. It's comfortable motorsport because of the suspension. 557 00:30:33,275 --> 00:30:34,328 It's just... It's brilliant. 558 00:30:34,413 --> 00:30:36,556 - It's cheapskate motorsport. - Is it? 559 00:30:36,642 --> 00:30:39,837 It's cheapskate motorsport for people with dicky backs, that's what it is. 560 00:30:39,923 --> 00:30:41,508 Because landing is so soft. 561 00:30:41,593 --> 00:30:43,303 Oh, sometimes I'm thinking, have I landed? 562 00:30:43,389 --> 00:30:44,280 Yes. 563 00:30:44,366 --> 00:30:47,103 I've got a brilliant idea. What are you looking at? 564 00:30:49,593 --> 00:30:50,868 What? 565 00:30:50,953 --> 00:30:53,198 There's something glinting up there. 566 00:30:56,006 --> 00:30:57,645 - There isn't. - Yeah, whatever. 567 00:30:57,731 --> 00:30:58,946 It's just... 568 00:30:59,032 --> 00:31:00,348 Anyway, what's your brilliant idea? 569 00:31:00,433 --> 00:31:01,728 - Anyway, I've got a brilliant idea. - What? 570 00:31:01,813 --> 00:31:03,377 Time trial, flying lap, 571 00:31:03,463 --> 00:31:04,808 one at a time against the clock. 572 00:31:04,893 --> 00:31:07,111 I'll go first. 573 00:31:07,433 --> 00:31:09,528 You really... You must put that right. 574 00:31:09,613 --> 00:31:11,288 Where's me car? 575 00:31:11,373 --> 00:31:14,928 - He really has taken to it, hasn't he? - He really has. 576 00:31:15,013 --> 00:31:19,878 Having jumped back in, Billy Bob embarked on his flying lap. 577 00:31:20,873 --> 00:31:22,528 Here he comes. 578 00:31:22,613 --> 00:31:24,513 Go! 579 00:31:26,793 --> 00:31:29,038 Here we go. 580 00:31:30,353 --> 00:31:31,988 Wayyyy! 581 00:31:32,073 --> 00:31:34,588 That's James May! 582 00:31:34,673 --> 00:31:36,918 It's just not right, is it? 583 00:31:38,572 --> 00:31:40,448 What's next? He's gonna take up cage fighting? 584 00:31:43,393 --> 00:31:45,638 I'm flying! 585 00:31:47,193 --> 00:31:49,438 Oh, my God! 586 00:31:51,153 --> 00:31:53,478 Look at this. He's actually kicking the arse out. 587 00:31:59,861 --> 00:32:00,822 - 57 seconds. - Well, we don't know 588 00:32:00,908 --> 00:32:03,348 whether that's fast or not but it is less than a minute. 589 00:32:03,433 --> 00:32:06,181 Is that the first time he's done anything in less than a minute? 590 00:32:06,267 --> 00:32:07,419 He can't open a car door 591 00:32:07,505 --> 00:32:09,178 - in less than a minute. - No. Or sign his name. 592 00:32:09,263 --> 00:32:11,900 No, that's two minutes, definitely. 593 00:32:12,435 --> 00:32:13,997 Biggles is back. 594 00:32:14,083 --> 00:32:15,822 I can do a slightly better one than that. 595 00:32:15,908 --> 00:32:18,648 - Can I have another go? - Oh, for God's sake! 596 00:32:18,733 --> 00:32:21,108 Next it was my turn. 597 00:32:21,193 --> 00:32:23,008 I just wanna say, Hammond. 598 00:32:23,093 --> 00:32:26,788 - What? - You have twice as much horsepower as me, 599 00:32:26,873 --> 00:32:29,908 and, May, you have 50 horsepower more than I've got. 600 00:32:29,993 --> 00:32:33,988 So it's only my immense skill that's going to put me in contention here. 601 00:32:34,073 --> 00:32:35,788 - Is it? - Well, what else is there? 602 00:32:35,873 --> 00:32:38,528 He won't have any excuses ready for the end at this rate. 603 00:32:38,613 --> 00:32:43,357 Yours weighs less. It's 200 kilograms lighter than this. 604 00:32:43,474 --> 00:32:45,099 - Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. - Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. 605 00:32:45,185 --> 00:32:48,442 I'm just saying, in case I'm not as quick. 606 00:32:48,634 --> 00:32:52,809 Eventually, Mr Racing Excuses was underway. 607 00:32:53,073 --> 00:32:55,288 Here he comes, into his flying lap. 608 00:33:00,313 --> 00:33:02,558 Right, here we go. 609 00:33:09,553 --> 00:33:11,518 - Did I make that much noise? - Yes. 610 00:33:15,153 --> 00:33:17,398 Concentrating very hard. 611 00:33:21,993 --> 00:33:23,638 He's not very good through there. 612 00:33:26,513 --> 00:33:28,758 Getting a bit squirrely now. 613 00:33:31,313 --> 00:33:33,558 No, he's rubbish through there. 614 00:33:34,353 --> 00:33:36,597 No! I was airborne there 615 00:33:36,683 --> 00:33:39,832 long enough for them to serve me their snacks. 616 00:33:42,753 --> 00:33:44,998 Get it straight. 617 00:33:56,308 --> 00:33:58,063 And there we are. 618 00:33:58,149 --> 00:34:02,340 I don't know how I've done, but it felt pretty good to me. 619 00:34:06,273 --> 00:34:08,733 There are few things in life I enjoy more 620 00:34:08,819 --> 00:34:11,368 than delivering bad news to Jeremy Clarkson. 621 00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:13,817 It's possibly my favourite thing. 622 00:34:15,193 --> 00:34:18,020 Forcing myself not to do a little dance. 623 00:34:18,633 --> 00:34:20,590 How much faster was I? 624 00:34:20,753 --> 00:34:23,848 Well, unless your seconds were smaller, 625 00:34:23,933 --> 00:34:27,168 you were slower, because you were 58.5. 626 00:34:27,253 --> 00:34:30,387 - What was he? - 57.81. 627 00:34:31,873 --> 00:34:34,622 What that means is he beat you. 628 00:34:36,313 --> 00:34:38,558 I cannot believe that. 629 00:34:39,793 --> 00:34:42,598 Has anybody got a gun? 630 00:34:44,193 --> 00:34:48,148 Finally, it was the turn of Ricky Redneck. 631 00:34:48,233 --> 00:34:50,903 - Right, ready with the stop watch. - Here we go. 632 00:34:56,153 --> 00:34:58,707 This is how you do this. 633 00:35:01,353 --> 00:35:04,788 Oh, yeah. 634 00:35:04,873 --> 00:35:08,212 He's in a pick-up truck, on a loose surface. 635 00:35:08,298 --> 00:35:09,857 Yeah, he's at home. 636 00:35:12,942 --> 00:35:14,957 You know at the moment you're winning? 637 00:35:15,043 --> 00:35:17,817 - Yeah. - In a minute, you won't be. 638 00:35:20,313 --> 00:35:23,158 - What are you looking at? - That glint. 639 00:35:25,793 --> 00:35:27,700 - You see it? - No. 640 00:35:28,353 --> 00:35:30,358 Thrashing air! 641 00:35:31,096 --> 00:35:33,762 Ah-ha-ha! 642 00:35:34,953 --> 00:35:36,268 Into the left-hander. 643 00:35:36,353 --> 00:35:37,648 Keep it tight. 644 00:35:37,733 --> 00:35:39,208 Oh, what was that? 645 00:35:39,293 --> 00:35:41,518 What the hell was that? 646 00:35:43,433 --> 00:35:46,238 - That was... - What's the matter with him? 647 00:35:47,273 --> 00:35:49,828 Has he bust the gear box? 648 00:35:49,913 --> 00:35:51,628 What... Not very quick. 649 00:35:51,713 --> 00:35:53,188 What was the matter? 650 00:35:53,273 --> 00:35:55,008 That was the weirdest thing. 651 00:35:55,093 --> 00:35:57,520 - What? - It's like a ricochet. 652 00:35:59,224 --> 00:36:03,184 As I wasn't interested in Hammond's excuses... 653 00:36:03,291 --> 00:36:06,309 we got back into our RVs and hit the road. 654 00:36:08,513 --> 00:36:12,637 Ping, it was like a rico... like it came off something. 655 00:36:13,393 --> 00:36:15,887 I suppose it could have been a stone. 656 00:36:18,502 --> 00:36:20,377 Hold on a minute. 657 00:36:20,485 --> 00:36:22,500 May, are you behind me? 658 00:36:22,586 --> 00:36:26,168 Is my RV drooping slightly? 659 00:36:26,273 --> 00:36:28,328 Well, funnily enough I was just looking at that. 660 00:36:28,413 --> 00:36:30,942 I would say it's very down on the left. 661 00:36:35,268 --> 00:36:36,943 That's broken, isn't it? 662 00:36:37,153 --> 00:36:38,688 Yeah, it's leaning a lot. 663 00:36:38,773 --> 00:36:41,395 Mate, it really is leaning. That's collapsed. 664 00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:43,340 That's how it's supposed to be. 665 00:36:43,426 --> 00:36:45,185 Yeah, some distance between the body and the ground. 666 00:36:45,270 --> 00:36:49,301 Yeah, you can see more wheel on this side than the other side. 667 00:36:52,718 --> 00:36:57,293 However, as I wasn't interested in Clarkson's mechanical issues either, 668 00:36:57,653 --> 00:36:59,747 we got back on the road again. 669 00:37:00,113 --> 00:37:02,208 Right, so here's the situation. 670 00:37:02,293 --> 00:37:06,793 I'm driving my RV with an overheating, over-revving engine, 671 00:37:06,879 --> 00:37:10,161 and collapsed suspension, on an interstate. 672 00:37:10,918 --> 00:37:13,163 Feels safe, that. 673 00:37:17,663 --> 00:37:20,978 Soon it was time to find a campsite, 674 00:37:21,313 --> 00:37:25,788 and since we didn't fancy another night in a horrible RV park, 675 00:37:25,873 --> 00:37:28,488 and we had all the comforts we needed, 676 00:37:28,573 --> 00:37:32,118 we decided to freestyle it in the wilderness. 677 00:37:34,313 --> 00:37:35,688 I think it's an excellent idea. 678 00:37:35,773 --> 00:37:39,499 I mean, dune buggy racing is fantastic, and I won, 679 00:37:39,593 --> 00:37:41,905 but it is quite hot and sweaty and dusty 680 00:37:42,037 --> 00:37:47,007 and we can balance that with peace and quiet and a starry sky. 681 00:37:47,093 --> 00:37:49,546 I mean, that's gonna be fantastic out here. 682 00:37:50,553 --> 00:37:53,210 I might write a few lines of verse. 683 00:37:55,433 --> 00:38:00,238 So, we turned off the interstate to find a nice spot to park up. 684 00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:06,960 Oh, yeah, now we are getting into the great outdoors. 685 00:38:09,393 --> 00:38:11,728 James, how's my jet ski? 686 00:38:11,813 --> 00:38:15,348 Yep, you're fine. 687 00:38:15,593 --> 00:38:20,118 Eventually we found the perfect spot at the side of a lake. 688 00:38:20,853 --> 00:38:23,248 - However... - I can't stop. 689 00:38:23,334 --> 00:38:25,367 I've lost braking! I've lost braking! 690 00:38:25,453 --> 00:38:27,843 I have no control! 691 00:38:31,953 --> 00:38:34,688 Using nothing but blind panic... 692 00:38:34,773 --> 00:38:37,088 Stop, stop! 693 00:38:37,173 --> 00:38:39,460 Stop! 694 00:38:39,617 --> 00:38:43,726 I eventually brought my stupid RV to heel. 695 00:38:45,553 --> 00:38:48,265 Oh, for Christ's sake. 696 00:38:49,913 --> 00:38:51,668 Right. 697 00:38:51,753 --> 00:38:55,838 With no help from the crew, I removed the jet ski... 698 00:38:56,701 --> 00:38:59,096 Excellent. 699 00:38:59,220 --> 00:39:03,055 And then tried to move the RV onto level ground. 700 00:39:03,273 --> 00:39:07,348 Come on. Fire, baby. 701 00:39:07,433 --> 00:39:09,518 Come on, you know you wanna be an engine. 702 00:39:14,793 --> 00:39:18,108 Hah! His jet ski's fallen off. 703 00:39:18,193 --> 00:39:21,742 OK, bit of jiggery pokery, we'll get round there. Ohhh. 704 00:39:24,313 --> 00:39:26,671 Jeremy. Stop! 705 00:39:32,033 --> 00:39:33,248 Has... 706 00:39:33,333 --> 00:39:34,433 Jesus! 707 00:39:36,073 --> 00:39:38,508 Give me strength. 708 00:39:38,593 --> 00:39:41,948 Oh, what's happened to my... I'm really sorry. 709 00:39:42,033 --> 00:39:43,728 Oh, shit, have I hit your axle? 710 00:39:43,813 --> 00:39:45,968 - I mean your prop shaft? - Er... yeah. 711 00:39:46,053 --> 00:39:48,168 - And I... - And that's a wrap. 712 00:39:48,253 --> 00:39:50,628 With that, back to the tent. 713 00:39:50,713 --> 00:39:53,208 They are actually tied in a knot. 714 00:39:57,553 --> 00:39:59,848 Once the ape had untangled himself, 715 00:39:59,933 --> 00:40:01,868 and we were all parked, 716 00:40:01,953 --> 00:40:07,133 I settled down to write some poetry in the evening stillness. 717 00:40:41,834 --> 00:40:45,008 Hello, mate. Ooh-hoo! 718 00:40:45,094 --> 00:40:47,157 Bartender, can I have a beer? 719 00:40:47,243 --> 00:40:49,071 I can't hear you over that appalling racket. 720 00:40:49,157 --> 00:40:50,181 What? 721 00:40:50,267 --> 00:40:53,055 I can't hear you over that appalling racket. 722 00:40:53,141 --> 00:40:54,478 - Can I have a beer? - I can't hear you 723 00:40:54,563 --> 00:40:55,751 over that racket. No, you can't. 724 00:40:55,836 --> 00:40:57,109 - Oh, come on. - It's run out. 725 00:40:57,353 --> 00:40:58,728 It's hasn't run out. It's a pub! 726 00:40:58,813 --> 00:41:00,248 It's run out of beer for you. 727 00:41:00,333 --> 00:41:03,308 I'm a tired and thirsty traveller from out in the desert. 728 00:41:03,393 --> 00:41:05,828 If you put the appalling two-stroke motorcycle away, 729 00:41:05,913 --> 00:41:07,728 and come in the pub, you can have a beer. 730 00:41:07,813 --> 00:41:10,448 - Otherwise you can go... - Oh, look at that! -Oh no. 731 00:41:10,533 --> 00:41:12,838 Power! Come on! 732 00:41:13,913 --> 00:41:15,548 May! 733 00:41:15,633 --> 00:41:17,393 Yee-ha! 734 00:41:21,793 --> 00:41:24,628 Oh, ha! May! 735 00:41:24,713 --> 00:41:26,888 Hey, hey! Well, I'm not not missing out. 736 00:41:38,273 --> 00:41:41,348 Jet ski, jet ski, sounding shite, 737 00:41:41,433 --> 00:41:44,048 on Lake Vegas, left and right. 738 00:41:44,133 --> 00:41:47,128 Rotax engine, rin bin bin. 739 00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:51,028 I hope the owner's arse caves in. 740 00:41:53,933 --> 00:41:56,028 Oh, ha-ha! 741 00:41:56,113 --> 00:41:59,068 As darkness fell, we put the toys away 742 00:41:59,153 --> 00:42:01,848 and James turned in for a good night's sleep. 743 00:42:09,513 --> 00:42:11,668 Sadly for him, though, 744 00:42:11,753 --> 00:42:15,547 Hammond and I had decided to do a bit of stargazing. 745 00:42:27,153 --> 00:42:29,088 Hammond, what are you doing? 746 00:42:29,173 --> 00:42:30,848 Setting my lights up. 747 00:42:30,933 --> 00:42:32,668 What for? 748 00:42:32,753 --> 00:42:35,108 Well, you've seen Close Encounters. 749 00:42:35,194 --> 00:42:35,981 Yes. 750 00:42:36,067 --> 00:42:38,295 Well, I've got the full setup here, mate. 751 00:42:39,273 --> 00:42:41,248 This desert that we're in 752 00:42:41,333 --> 00:42:43,948 lies between Area 51 and Roswell. 753 00:42:44,033 --> 00:42:48,768 One of the primary and main alien hotspots on this whole planet, mate. 754 00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:54,148 Oh, shut up. 755 00:42:54,233 --> 00:42:55,768 What's that for? 756 00:42:55,853 --> 00:42:58,628 To power the lights. And the keyboard. 757 00:42:58,713 --> 00:43:00,914 - What? A keyboard? - You've seen the film. 758 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,488 I am not gonna miss an opportunity to do this here. 759 00:43:03,573 --> 00:43:05,948 Do you actually believe in this stuff? 760 00:43:06,033 --> 00:43:09,088 Yes, there's enough evidence, enough people who've seen them. 761 00:43:09,173 --> 00:43:11,448 The American Government, came out and said. 762 00:43:11,533 --> 00:43:14,148 Area 51 was real. It's a thing. 763 00:43:14,233 --> 00:43:17,867 It's a thing cos it's... It's an aviation testing place. 764 00:43:17,953 --> 00:43:19,468 It's Edwards Air Force base. 765 00:43:19,553 --> 00:43:22,484 Yeah, they say that. They'll never tell you exactly what it is. 62%. 766 00:43:22,570 --> 00:43:25,406 Roswell was a nuclear experiment, 767 00:43:25,492 --> 00:43:26,883 I think, called Mogul. 768 00:43:26,969 --> 00:43:30,648 62% of Americans believe in intelligent alien life. 62%. 769 00:43:30,734 --> 00:43:33,055 80% of Americans don't have passports. 770 00:43:33,141 --> 00:43:34,308 - Hammond. - What? 771 00:43:34,393 --> 00:43:37,695 You're an alien, you've come a very great distance to earth. 772 00:43:37,789 --> 00:43:40,062 - Yes. - Why do they always land 773 00:43:40,148 --> 00:43:41,672 in Southwest America? 774 00:43:41,758 --> 00:43:43,109 It's big and open and quiet. 775 00:43:43,195 --> 00:43:45,308 Why do they want to land on a planet where it's quiet? 776 00:43:45,393 --> 00:43:46,891 To have a mooch about in secret, 777 00:43:46,977 --> 00:43:48,930 - not be interfered with. - Why don't they talk to us? 778 00:43:49,015 --> 00:43:50,586 Why don't they land in London? 779 00:43:50,672 --> 00:43:51,782 They might wanna talk to us. 780 00:43:51,867 --> 00:43:53,570 They could land in Hyde Park. 781 00:43:53,750 --> 00:43:55,528 Listen, I can talk to them. 782 00:44:00,953 --> 00:44:02,748 Oh, sorry. Wait a minute. 783 00:44:06,253 --> 00:44:07,668 Oh, no. 784 00:44:09,993 --> 00:44:13,208 - Wait a minute. - Oh, for God's sake, get it right. 785 00:44:13,293 --> 00:44:15,728 Oh. No, wait. 786 00:44:19,313 --> 00:44:20,828 No. 787 00:44:23,653 --> 00:44:25,508 No. 788 00:44:25,593 --> 00:44:26,808 - Hammond. - What? 789 00:44:26,893 --> 00:44:29,718 - You see that guy? - Where? 790 00:44:31,313 --> 00:44:32,508 He's gone. 791 00:44:32,593 --> 00:44:34,928 It's pitch... There's nobody out there. 792 00:44:35,013 --> 00:44:36,428 It's just a desert. 793 00:44:36,513 --> 00:44:38,168 That's why the aliens come here. 794 00:44:41,093 --> 00:44:42,548 Weird. 795 00:44:45,133 --> 00:44:47,748 No. 796 00:44:47,833 --> 00:44:50,028 For God's sake, shut up! 797 00:44:50,113 --> 00:44:52,278 No. 798 00:44:58,493 --> 00:45:03,678 The next morning, the vista from my RV was terrible. 799 00:45:07,153 --> 00:45:08,988 - Are you? - Am I what? 800 00:45:09,073 --> 00:45:10,128 Having a dump? 801 00:45:10,213 --> 00:45:13,188 - Yes. - Oh, for... 802 00:45:13,273 --> 00:45:16,848 The whole point of sitting here is to enjoy this magnificent view. 803 00:45:16,933 --> 00:45:19,728 I was here first. You're spoiling my view. 804 00:45:19,813 --> 00:45:22,008 - I'm spoiling your view? - Yes. 805 00:45:22,093 --> 00:45:24,948 I'm not crapping in it. 806 00:45:25,033 --> 00:45:27,888 We then headed over to the pub for breakfast. 807 00:45:27,973 --> 00:45:29,033 However... 808 00:45:35,073 --> 00:45:36,688 Why haven't you made us breakfast? 809 00:45:36,773 --> 00:45:40,288 Because breakfast is reserved exclusively for my friends, 810 00:45:40,373 --> 00:45:42,398 and none of them are here. 811 00:45:44,713 --> 00:45:46,968 Have you seriously not made us anything? 812 00:45:47,053 --> 00:45:49,848 Yes, seriously, I have not made you anything. 813 00:45:49,933 --> 00:45:51,388 I'm hungry. 814 00:45:51,473 --> 00:45:52,848 Well let's not get bogged down 815 00:45:52,933 --> 00:45:55,188 with his unbelievable selfishness. 816 00:45:55,273 --> 00:45:56,628 It really is, though. 817 00:45:56,713 --> 00:45:59,368 Let's work out what we're going to do today. 818 00:45:59,453 --> 00:46:00,988 Dune buggy racing. 819 00:46:01,073 --> 00:46:04,248 You've already done that. We've all done that. 820 00:46:04,333 --> 00:46:07,388 I thought we could go to a race track. 821 00:46:07,473 --> 00:46:09,468 - No, not a race track. - Why not a race track? 822 00:46:09,553 --> 00:46:11,768 - I don't like race tracks. - You like dune buggies. 823 00:46:11,853 --> 00:46:14,408 That's dune buggies. Normal race tracks are just boring. 824 00:46:14,493 --> 00:46:17,128 - Oh, come on, it'll be great fun. - OK, we'll settle it. 825 00:46:17,213 --> 00:46:18,918 Let's have a vote. 826 00:46:20,873 --> 00:46:23,168 This was the track we chose. 827 00:46:23,253 --> 00:46:26,158 The Spring Mountain race complex. 828 00:46:27,073 --> 00:46:29,358 And the cars? 829 00:46:31,433 --> 00:46:33,608 Well, I went for the latest, 830 00:46:33,693 --> 00:46:36,558 and last ever, front-engined Corvette. 831 00:46:38,993 --> 00:46:43,278 Hammond went for the Jeep Grand Cherokee Terrahawk. 832 00:46:45,993 --> 00:46:49,048 And May, still craving a bit of peace and quiet, 833 00:46:49,133 --> 00:46:52,198 went for the Cadillac CTS-V. 834 00:46:54,113 --> 00:46:56,108 And this was all tremendous. 835 00:46:56,193 --> 00:46:58,208 But before we got down to business, 836 00:46:58,293 --> 00:47:00,508 I made a terrible mistake, 837 00:47:00,593 --> 00:47:04,278 and asked my colleagues a technical question. 838 00:47:05,740 --> 00:47:09,348 All three of these cars have 6.2 litre supercharged V8s. 839 00:47:09,433 --> 00:47:11,008 - Yes? Yes. - Yes, they do, yes. 840 00:47:11,093 --> 00:47:12,688 What I want to know is, right, 841 00:47:12,773 --> 00:47:15,028 - they're all pushrod engines. - Mm-hm. 842 00:47:15,113 --> 00:47:17,448 Now, whenever I'm presented with a pushrod engine, 843 00:47:17,533 --> 00:47:20,918 I know I have to go, "..pushrod?" 844 00:47:21,793 --> 00:47:23,568 But I don't know why. 845 00:47:23,653 --> 00:47:26,148 What is a pushrod engine? 846 00:47:26,233 --> 00:47:28,908 It's an engine where pushrods activate the valve train. 847 00:47:28,993 --> 00:47:30,548 The valves on top of the cylinders 848 00:47:30,633 --> 00:47:32,808 have to open and close to let the mixture get out. 849 00:47:32,893 --> 00:47:36,248 Rather than having camshafts over the top doing that, opening them, 850 00:47:36,333 --> 00:47:38,408 they have a single camshaft at the bottom 851 00:47:38,493 --> 00:47:41,068 that operates rods that push the valves. 852 00:47:41,153 --> 00:47:43,868 American cars have pushrod engines and can't rev quickly. 853 00:47:43,953 --> 00:47:46,848 They have bigger capacities with long stroke, which makes the engine bigger. 854 00:47:46,933 --> 00:47:50,748 The problem is, for an equal capacity engine, with overhead cams, 855 00:47:50,833 --> 00:47:53,968 the engine would be bigger but you wouldn't need the extra capacity 856 00:47:54,053 --> 00:47:57,268 because it would rev higher and deliver more power at a higher RPM. 857 00:47:57,353 --> 00:48:00,268 But, on the other hand, if you had a high-revving sports car engine, 858 00:48:00,353 --> 00:48:03,288 such as an Italian one, you would have a very over square piston dimension, 859 00:48:03,373 --> 00:48:05,188 which would make the engine squatter, 860 00:48:05,273 --> 00:48:07,879 and a dry sump, which would allow you to mount it lower... 861 00:48:08,953 --> 00:48:10,648 After a couple of hours, 862 00:48:10,733 --> 00:48:13,668 I invited Hammond to stop talking 863 00:48:13,753 --> 00:48:18,688 and try out what is America's answer to the Lamborghini Urus... 864 00:48:18,773 --> 00:48:20,348 the Terrahawk. 865 00:48:23,423 --> 00:48:28,228 Pulling this 700-horsepower, 6.2-litre supercharged V8 866 00:48:28,556 --> 00:48:30,611 out of a Dodge Challenger Hellcat 867 00:48:30,697 --> 00:48:32,592 into a Jeep off-roader, 868 00:48:32,872 --> 00:48:34,493 might sound like it makes as much sense 869 00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:36,867 as fitting me with Usain Bolt's legs. 870 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:41,085 I mean, the power's there but nothing else about the machine can handle it. 871 00:48:42,233 --> 00:48:44,282 But it's more than just a cartoon. 872 00:48:44,368 --> 00:48:46,643 They've really thought about this thing. 873 00:48:46,729 --> 00:48:49,527 They've upgraded every component in the drivetrain 874 00:48:49,613 --> 00:48:51,998 between the engine and the wheel. 875 00:48:53,633 --> 00:48:56,056 Sometimes the metals they were using in the car industry 876 00:48:56,142 --> 00:48:58,967 weren't strong enough to take the forces involved, 877 00:48:59,053 --> 00:49:01,892 so they went to the aeronautical industry. 878 00:49:02,713 --> 00:49:05,829 0-60, less than 3.5 seconds. 879 00:49:08,976 --> 00:49:12,400 Top speed, 180 miles an hour. 880 00:49:15,453 --> 00:49:17,267 It's... 881 00:49:17,493 --> 00:49:20,595 This is a 2.5-ton off-roader! 882 00:49:22,633 --> 00:49:24,548 And because it's four-wheel-drive, 883 00:49:24,634 --> 00:49:27,048 it can apply those 700 horsepower 884 00:49:27,204 --> 00:49:29,268 much, much more effectively 885 00:49:29,354 --> 00:49:32,079 than the two-wheel-drive Challenger and Demon cars. 886 00:49:39,593 --> 00:49:41,766 The world, in no way, needs this. 887 00:49:41,915 --> 00:49:44,532 But that's kind of why the world needs it. 888 00:49:50,753 --> 00:49:54,438 I've chosen this Cadillac because it's comfortable. 889 00:49:57,713 --> 00:50:01,368 I mean, it will do 200 miles an hour and it has 640 horsepower, 890 00:50:01,453 --> 00:50:05,308 but mainly it's comfortable. 891 00:50:05,393 --> 00:50:07,328 Oh, there's a dip in the road. 892 00:50:07,413 --> 00:50:09,848 But the Cadillac just soaks it up. 893 00:50:09,933 --> 00:50:11,673 Mmm. 894 00:50:14,793 --> 00:50:18,278 Things were rather different, however, in my car. 895 00:50:19,033 --> 00:50:22,068 The swan song Corvette. 896 00:50:24,353 --> 00:50:26,078 Bloody hellfire! 897 00:50:28,073 --> 00:50:32,928 It's called the ZR1 and it's the loudest, fastest, 898 00:50:33,013 --> 00:50:36,048 most powerful Corvette ever. 899 00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,553 Ah. 900 00:50:41,793 --> 00:50:43,558 Oh, ho-ho-ho! 901 00:50:47,193 --> 00:50:50,478 You get 755 horsepower. 902 00:50:51,433 --> 00:50:54,268 715 torques. 903 00:50:54,353 --> 00:50:58,238 Does 0-60 in 2.8 seconds. 904 00:51:00,233 --> 00:51:05,668 Now, that's all down to what GM calls the BAS. 905 00:51:05,753 --> 00:51:08,338 The Big Ass Supercharger. 906 00:51:10,713 --> 00:51:14,308 It takes 110 horsepower just to run it, 907 00:51:14,393 --> 00:51:17,248 but you get 290 horsepower back, 908 00:51:17,334 --> 00:51:20,111 so it's a good deal. 909 00:51:21,220 --> 00:51:26,400 This engine runs on a type of fuel you can't even buy in California any more, 910 00:51:26,486 --> 00:51:30,328 and needs 13 radiators to keep it cool, 911 00:51:30,564 --> 00:51:32,348 especially here. 912 00:51:32,433 --> 00:51:35,955 Where are we? What, ten miles from Death Valley? 913 00:51:37,931 --> 00:51:40,588 It is, I'm afraid, though... 914 00:51:40,673 --> 00:51:43,208 Ooh, shit! 915 00:51:43,293 --> 00:51:46,788 a tricky little bastard. 916 00:51:46,873 --> 00:51:53,431 It's got a huge amount of mechanical and invisible aerodynamic grip, 917 00:51:53,564 --> 00:51:56,779 which is fine if you want to set a lap record. 918 00:51:57,633 --> 00:52:00,662 The trouble is, if you go beyond the limit, 919 00:52:00,748 --> 00:52:03,889 it becomes almost unbelievably difficult... 920 00:52:05,613 --> 00:52:07,568 to control. 921 00:52:07,653 --> 00:52:09,584 Look at it. 922 00:52:11,756 --> 00:52:15,756 Last year, an executive vice president 923 00:52:15,842 --> 00:52:17,842 of something or other at General Motors... 924 00:52:17,951 --> 00:52:21,208 I won't say his name, just that it begins with M 925 00:52:21,607 --> 00:52:23,508 and ends in ark Reuss... 926 00:52:23,709 --> 00:52:25,048 he was driving one of these 927 00:52:25,133 --> 00:52:28,389 as the pace car at the Indy race in Detroit, 928 00:52:28,475 --> 00:52:29,970 and he got to the second corner 929 00:52:30,056 --> 00:52:33,371 before he lost control and put it in a wall. 930 00:52:36,793 --> 00:52:40,342 Everybody laughed at him and everybody's looked at his crash on YouTube, 931 00:52:40,428 --> 00:52:44,296 but the fact is, I feel your pain, Mark. 932 00:52:44,713 --> 00:52:47,484 Jesus. 933 00:52:48,353 --> 00:52:50,508 Oooh. 934 00:52:50,593 --> 00:52:53,048 Rather worryingly, Hammond then announced 935 00:52:53,133 --> 00:52:55,638 that we should have a drifting competition. 936 00:52:58,993 --> 00:53:01,848 OK, this is gonna be something else, isn't it? 937 00:53:01,933 --> 00:53:05,368 But, because he's a moron, he hadn't factored in 938 00:53:05,453 --> 00:53:09,238 that he was driving a boxy and wobbly 4X4. 939 00:53:11,793 --> 00:53:14,728 And a little touch on the brake, throw it in, 940 00:53:14,813 --> 00:53:18,478 instigating an absolutely beautiful drift. 941 00:53:21,993 --> 00:53:23,888 - Oh, I don't know. - Look. 942 00:53:23,973 --> 00:53:25,678 What's he trying to do? 943 00:53:28,553 --> 00:53:30,528 That was a bit violent. 944 00:53:35,473 --> 00:53:38,388 It lacks the predictability 945 00:53:38,473 --> 00:53:41,548 of a lower, rear-wheel drive car. 946 00:53:41,633 --> 00:53:44,848 I'm not blaming the car, because the car's wonderful. 947 00:53:44,933 --> 00:53:48,428 But it's the car. 948 00:53:48,513 --> 00:53:51,208 With Hammond having scored nought, 949 00:53:51,293 --> 00:53:54,468 it was my turn, in the mental mobile. 950 00:53:55,893 --> 00:53:58,648 And then flick it round. 951 00:54:01,513 --> 00:54:03,968 No drifting at all. That's just driving around. 952 00:54:04,053 --> 00:54:07,015 Right, now come on, Jeremy, turn it in. 953 00:54:11,033 --> 00:54:13,508 Oh, hello! Oh, no! 954 00:54:13,593 --> 00:54:15,828 That's spinning. 955 00:54:15,913 --> 00:54:17,928 So he needs to find a sort of happy medium 956 00:54:18,013 --> 00:54:20,008 between spinning and simply driving along. 957 00:54:20,093 --> 00:54:21,984 That's pretty much what drifting is, isn't it? 958 00:54:22,070 --> 00:54:23,228 Yeah. 959 00:54:23,313 --> 00:54:25,568 Would you like to get a cup of coffee or something? 960 00:54:25,653 --> 00:54:27,988 I'm sure I'll get it worked out in a minute. 961 00:54:28,073 --> 00:54:30,088 This is the problem. He doesn't bore easily. 962 00:54:30,173 --> 00:54:32,695 Right, now come on, Jeremy, come on! 963 00:54:34,513 --> 00:54:36,678 I kept trying. 964 00:54:38,673 --> 00:54:39,908 No. 965 00:54:39,993 --> 00:54:41,937 No, I'm gonna go back. I'm... 966 00:54:45,233 --> 00:54:47,358 What is he doing? 967 00:54:48,273 --> 00:54:50,318 Oh, hell! 968 00:54:51,673 --> 00:54:53,838 Oh, yes, that's not gone brilliantly. 969 00:54:56,233 --> 00:55:00,179 How do you score this, apart from not very highly? 970 00:55:02,528 --> 00:55:04,173 No, I've gone again. 971 00:55:05,413 --> 00:55:07,390 Until eventually... 972 00:55:07,476 --> 00:55:09,628 Fire. Fire. 973 00:55:09,713 --> 00:55:11,257 Small fire. 974 00:55:15,233 --> 00:55:18,388 That clutch? I think it's clutch. 975 00:55:18,921 --> 00:55:21,015 Nothing... Nothing to see. 976 00:55:21,855 --> 00:55:24,562 After my car was put out, 977 00:55:24,713 --> 00:55:27,188 it was the turn of William Wordsworth. 978 00:55:27,273 --> 00:55:29,448 What we've got here is a drifting competition 979 00:55:29,533 --> 00:55:31,488 featuring two cars that can't drift 980 00:55:31,573 --> 00:55:32,988 and a third which can, 981 00:55:33,073 --> 00:55:36,007 but which is being driven by a man who can't. 982 00:55:36,179 --> 00:55:38,848 The only good thing is he'll do it once, very badly, 983 00:55:38,933 --> 00:55:40,668 there'll be a chirp of tyres, 984 00:55:40,827 --> 00:55:42,208 he'll think that was a drift 985 00:55:42,293 --> 00:55:43,988 and then we can move on. 986 00:55:44,073 --> 00:55:45,528 Did you see me drift? 987 00:55:53,311 --> 00:55:57,062 - Un-James May start there. - Very exuberant start. 988 00:56:02,273 --> 00:56:04,945 Hang on a minute! 989 00:56:14,873 --> 00:56:17,015 - Impossible. - Unexpected. 990 00:56:17,101 --> 00:56:18,328 - Impossible. - Unlikely. 991 00:56:18,413 --> 00:56:22,241 Impossible. Hold on, where's he going? 992 00:56:22,327 --> 00:56:25,422 That's the pit lane. He's going the wrong way down the pit lane. 993 00:56:26,062 --> 00:56:28,317 Is that... Is that James down there... 994 00:56:28,445 --> 00:56:29,848 What's he... 995 00:56:30,156 --> 00:56:32,908 - He's left the track. - Hello! 996 00:56:32,993 --> 00:56:36,268 The only tall building for miles around and he's... 997 00:56:36,353 --> 00:56:38,390 - That's not even... - Where's he going? 998 00:56:38,484 --> 00:56:40,195 I don't know. 999 00:56:40,793 --> 00:56:43,348 - Why are you not in that? - I cheated. 1000 00:56:43,773 --> 00:56:45,585 - How did you cheat? - I was at the pits 1001 00:56:45,671 --> 00:56:48,008 and I met a bloke hanging around, who said he was a drifter, 1002 00:56:48,093 --> 00:56:49,918 so I sent him out in the car. 1003 00:56:51,996 --> 00:56:54,577 You do know "drifter", in America, 1004 00:56:54,663 --> 00:56:57,484 means something entirely different to the UK? 1005 00:56:57,570 --> 00:56:58,928 - Yeah. - You've just given your car away. 1006 00:56:59,013 --> 00:57:00,718 - To a tramp. - Yeah. 1007 00:57:01,964 --> 00:57:05,139 - There he goes. - What good work. 1008 00:57:05,372 --> 00:57:07,499 Well thought out. 1009 00:57:09,033 --> 00:57:12,128 Leaving May to deal with the insurance issues, 1010 00:57:12,213 --> 00:57:15,468 Hammond and I headed back to the campsite, 1011 00:57:15,553 --> 00:57:18,478 which meant passing through a local town. 1012 00:57:29,873 --> 00:57:33,484 I'll tell you what, Hammond, do you fancy a beer? 1013 00:57:33,788 --> 00:57:35,695 Yeah, they'll have a bar here. 1014 00:57:35,812 --> 00:57:37,428 Yeah, they must do. 1015 00:57:37,513 --> 00:57:40,734 Just the one, though, eh? Let's not go mad. 1016 00:58:13,233 --> 00:58:16,518 I am a golden god! 1017 00:58:17,353 --> 00:58:19,918 Turn that **** music off! 1018 00:58:24,433 --> 00:58:26,728 I'm gonna go left! I'm gonna go right! 1019 00:58:50,913 --> 00:58:53,288 Have you made breakfast for yourself again? 1020 00:58:53,373 --> 00:58:57,868 Yes, I have. And I've decided what we're doing today. 1021 00:58:57,953 --> 00:59:00,048 - What? - We're going to Red Lake. 1022 00:59:00,204 --> 00:59:01,568 Oh, good, I can get my jet ski out. 1023 00:59:01,653 --> 00:59:05,204 No, you can't. It's a dried-up lake. Beautiful. 1024 00:59:06,913 --> 00:59:09,468 - Is it off-road to get there? - All the way. 1025 00:59:09,553 --> 00:59:11,328 That means I can drive from the roof. 1026 00:59:11,413 --> 00:59:14,454 But I have got to go and attach all the... 1027 00:59:14,681 --> 00:59:17,439 um... you know, the stuff upstairs. 1028 00:59:17,525 --> 00:59:19,148 Right. While you do that, 1029 00:59:19,233 --> 00:59:22,408 Adam Ant can clean himself up and I'll enjoy my breakfast. 1030 00:59:22,493 --> 00:59:26,322 Then... that goes up there. 1031 00:59:26,494 --> 00:59:29,376 And that slots into there. 1032 00:59:30,033 --> 00:59:32,540 Brake linkages. 1033 00:59:32,626 --> 00:59:35,111 Goes in there. Yeah. 1034 00:59:35,353 --> 00:59:38,308 Bit Heath Robinson, but it'll work. 1035 00:59:38,697 --> 00:59:41,721 Oh, mate, you missed a hell of a party. 1036 00:59:41,807 --> 00:59:43,462 I was aware of it. 1037 00:59:43,548 --> 00:59:45,988 Why didn't you come to the party? You would have loved it. 1038 00:59:46,073 --> 00:59:48,288 You like dancing. There was definitely dancing. 1039 00:59:48,373 --> 00:59:49,822 I think there was a live band. 1040 00:59:49,908 --> 00:59:51,343 I was already in bed. 1041 00:59:51,429 --> 00:59:54,507 Good. So, starting engine. 1042 00:59:57,073 --> 00:59:59,748 Engaging drive. Here we go. 1043 00:59:59,833 --> 01:00:03,288 There must have been 30 or 40 people in the room when the police arrived. 1044 01:00:03,373 --> 01:00:05,758 Ohh! 1045 01:00:09,953 --> 01:00:11,753 Clarkson! 1046 01:00:19,273 --> 01:00:23,038 Oh, mate, it landed jam-side down. 1047 01:00:27,233 --> 01:00:30,838 Once the flotsam and jetsam had been cleared away, 1048 01:00:32,513 --> 01:00:34,918 we set off for Red Lake. 1049 01:00:36,673 --> 01:00:40,358 Hammond and May decided to go as the crow flies. 1050 01:00:43,673 --> 01:00:46,088 Whereas I took the longer route... 1051 01:00:47,593 --> 01:00:49,838 on a gentle track. 1052 01:00:50,753 --> 01:00:53,078 Oh, this is just heaven. 1053 01:00:54,473 --> 01:00:57,078 A lavatory with a flying bridge. 1054 01:00:58,233 --> 01:01:00,988 I mean, what I've done here is I have turned 1055 01:01:01,073 --> 01:01:04,368 one of the most dreary driving experiences in the world 1056 01:01:04,453 --> 01:01:06,678 into one of the best. 1057 01:01:08,313 --> 01:01:11,478 I honestly believe that sometimes my genius... 1058 01:01:12,473 --> 01:01:14,758 it generates gravity. 1059 01:01:17,113 --> 01:01:20,168 Meanwhile, on the rougher route... 1060 01:01:20,253 --> 01:01:22,348 Oh... 1061 01:01:22,433 --> 01:01:25,088 James, I'm not sure about this. 1062 01:01:25,173 --> 01:01:28,428 Well, it's the shortest way. 1063 01:01:28,513 --> 01:01:31,688 I know this may look a bit mad but people obviously do this in RVs, 1064 01:01:31,773 --> 01:01:34,448 cos you see them parked out in the middle of nowhere. 1065 01:01:34,533 --> 01:01:37,188 Even if it's only making meth. 1066 01:01:37,273 --> 01:01:41,128 However, soon the terrain started to get much rougher. 1067 01:01:48,913 --> 01:01:49,953 Shit! 1068 01:01:56,153 --> 01:01:57,878 Come on, come on. 1069 01:02:00,673 --> 01:02:03,248 Come on, come on, come on! 1070 01:02:03,333 --> 01:02:05,598 Ahhh, ha-ha! 1071 01:02:12,993 --> 01:02:14,998 Argh! Argh! 1072 01:02:17,413 --> 01:02:19,558 Woah! Shit! 1073 01:02:22,993 --> 01:02:26,228 Hammond, your bike's fallen off. 1074 01:02:26,494 --> 01:02:28,568 Oh, bloody hell, I'll go back and get it. 1075 01:02:28,736 --> 01:02:31,751 Er... I wouldn't bother, to be honest. 1076 01:02:34,073 --> 01:02:36,923 That's the... kick-start. 1077 01:02:37,009 --> 01:02:38,080 The exhaust is wedged under the back wheel. 1078 01:02:38,165 --> 01:02:39,681 The kick-starter's come off. 1079 01:02:39,872 --> 01:02:41,967 The handlebars are bent, the fork's twisted. 1080 01:02:42,053 --> 01:02:43,228 Foot peg. 1081 01:02:43,313 --> 01:02:45,548 It's broken the two-stroke oil... 1082 01:02:45,633 --> 01:02:50,078 I'm really sorry you won't be able to ride it around tonight. That's a shame. 1083 01:02:53,873 --> 01:02:55,988 Going right. 1084 01:02:58,213 --> 01:02:59,868 Going left. 1085 01:02:59,953 --> 01:03:02,648 Everything is working well. 1086 01:03:06,610 --> 01:03:09,095 Quite rattly, I admit. 1087 01:03:13,313 --> 01:03:15,968 Er... nasty, that... 1088 01:03:16,053 --> 01:03:17,668 Uuurrhhh... 1089 01:03:17,753 --> 01:03:20,621 That's the collapsed rear suspension. 1090 01:03:22,153 --> 01:03:24,668 Don't judge me. 1091 01:03:24,753 --> 01:03:26,248 Back on our trail, 1092 01:03:26,333 --> 01:03:28,688 the going wasn't getting any smoother. 1093 01:03:35,841 --> 01:03:37,541 Jesus! 1094 01:03:39,703 --> 01:03:43,422 Hammond, stop! My pub's exploded. 1095 01:03:45,774 --> 01:03:48,156 Oh, no! 1096 01:03:50,273 --> 01:03:51,948 - Oh, jeez. - Ha! 1097 01:03:52,033 --> 01:03:54,448 Your one pleasure has been taken away from you. 1098 01:03:54,533 --> 01:03:57,320 - That's my warm brown beer. - Gone! 1099 01:03:57,589 --> 01:04:00,304 - Oh, God. - Is the gin OK? 1100 01:04:00,413 --> 01:04:02,461 - Yes. - Ha-ha-ha! 1101 01:04:02,547 --> 01:04:06,588 Do you know my pub? You're barred. 1102 01:04:06,673 --> 01:04:09,928 Figuring there was nothing important left to break... 1103 01:04:10,013 --> 01:04:12,958 we soldiered on. 1104 01:04:14,393 --> 01:04:16,808 God, it's hot. The steering wheel's getting... 1105 01:04:18,993 --> 01:04:21,248 Hammond, my windscreen's falling out. 1106 01:04:21,333 --> 01:04:23,288 It's fallen... It's broken. 1107 01:04:28,673 --> 01:04:29,688 Oh! 1108 01:04:29,773 --> 01:04:31,788 Oh, dear. 1109 01:04:31,873 --> 01:04:35,408 You know you're gonna have to take the rest of it out, don't you? 1110 01:04:35,493 --> 01:04:37,728 Well, you are. You can't... 1111 01:04:37,813 --> 01:04:41,238 I mean, that's not... advisable, is it? 1112 01:04:42,033 --> 01:04:45,318 No. Thank you for your input. 1113 01:04:49,473 --> 01:04:51,128 What I've done, is I've taken out 1114 01:04:51,213 --> 01:04:52,808 the good half of the windscreen 1115 01:04:52,893 --> 01:04:55,168 before it falls out and gets broken, 1116 01:04:55,253 --> 01:04:57,228 and I've stowed that in the back 1117 01:04:57,313 --> 01:04:59,768 until I get somewhere where I can do a proper repair. 1118 01:04:59,853 --> 01:05:02,408 And then I've borrowed Hammond's motorcycle goggles, 1119 01:05:02,493 --> 01:05:04,438 cos he doesn't need them any more. 1120 01:05:07,313 --> 01:05:11,998 Eventually, all three of us were reunited at our destination... 1121 01:05:13,193 --> 01:05:15,113 Red Lake. 1122 01:05:18,433 --> 01:05:22,628 Any problems to report, apart from the fact most of your RV's missing, May? 1123 01:05:22,713 --> 01:05:25,838 No, everything's fine. The air conditioning's excellent. 1124 01:05:29,633 --> 01:05:32,198 What an astonishing lake this is. 1125 01:05:34,633 --> 01:05:37,688 There must have been global warming in the olden days 1126 01:05:37,773 --> 01:05:41,278 to have created this astonishing spectacle. 1127 01:05:42,753 --> 01:05:46,238 What caused the global warming back then, I wonder? 1128 01:05:48,313 --> 01:05:50,888 This is like a scene out of Independence Day. 1129 01:05:50,973 --> 01:05:54,398 Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith, that drunk man. 1130 01:05:55,473 --> 01:05:57,668 Yeah, that's pretty much us. 1131 01:05:57,753 --> 01:06:00,568 Hammond, did you do that on the back of May's? 1132 01:06:00,653 --> 01:06:02,308 Yes, I did. 1133 01:06:02,393 --> 01:06:04,308 A pub needs a name and a sign 1134 01:06:04,393 --> 01:06:06,968 and I've combined it with the landlord's name. 1135 01:06:07,053 --> 01:06:09,599 Love your work. 1136 01:06:10,075 --> 01:06:13,513 Bit of a bump there. 1137 01:06:13,599 --> 01:06:16,693 Ha-ha! Jet ski's fallen off! 1138 01:06:20,829 --> 01:06:23,146 I probably should tell him, but... 1139 01:06:23,412 --> 01:06:25,388 my radio's on the seat down there 1140 01:06:25,473 --> 01:06:27,608 and it would be irresponsible to take my hand off the wheel. 1141 01:06:27,693 --> 01:06:31,873 Before I tell him about that, I'll help him along with it a bit. Here we go. 1142 01:06:41,193 --> 01:06:44,368 James must have a problem with his brakes, cos he can't stop 1143 01:06:44,453 --> 01:06:47,638 and keeps hitting the back of the jet ski. 1144 01:06:49,313 --> 01:06:52,468 Oh! Oh, dear, oh, dear. 1145 01:06:52,553 --> 01:06:55,718 Oh. it doesn't work so well on sand. 1146 01:06:59,927 --> 01:07:02,904 Clarkson, your jet ski's fallen off. Just then. 1147 01:07:03,013 --> 01:07:05,451 - What? - Just then... 1148 01:07:05,552 --> 01:07:07,878 Slowing it down. Easing it down. 1149 01:07:09,753 --> 01:07:11,348 - Is it broken? - Oh, yes. 1150 01:07:11,433 --> 01:07:13,668 I had to swerve like mad to avoid it. 1151 01:07:13,753 --> 01:07:15,427 It's a good job I was behind you. 1152 01:07:15,513 --> 01:07:16,608 If there was nobody to see that, 1153 01:07:16,693 --> 01:07:18,498 you could have dragged that for 50 miles. 1154 01:07:18,584 --> 01:07:21,967 - How long have I been dragging it for? - 20, 30 feet. 1155 01:07:22,053 --> 01:07:25,763 James, I can see where it fell off. 1156 01:07:26,553 --> 01:07:29,008 And I'm gonna guess that's three miles ago. 1157 01:07:31,073 --> 01:07:33,238 I couldn't get my radio. 1158 01:07:34,753 --> 01:07:37,718 Having cut the ruined jet ski free, 1159 01:07:41,393 --> 01:07:44,758 we resumed our journey across the lake bed. 1160 01:07:50,153 --> 01:07:52,438 Gotta open the pub in ten minutes. 1161 01:07:55,833 --> 01:07:59,008 Hey, Priscilla, is it nice and breezy up there? 1162 01:08:05,193 --> 01:08:09,708 Oh, going for the relaxed, easy driving style now. There it is. 1163 01:08:09,793 --> 01:08:12,848 First time I've ever driven with my feet up, and I like it. 1164 01:08:12,933 --> 01:08:15,808 Oh, hell! 1165 01:08:15,893 --> 01:08:17,868 Jesus Christ! 1166 01:08:17,953 --> 01:08:19,968 Might ease it down a bit. 1167 01:08:30,273 --> 01:08:31,508 Shit. 1168 01:08:31,593 --> 01:08:35,988 My steering works but I have no gears 1169 01:08:36,073 --> 01:08:39,068 and no throttle and no braking. 1170 01:08:39,153 --> 01:08:41,678 I'm gonna have to retake control. 1171 01:08:44,673 --> 01:08:46,508 Here we go. 1172 01:08:46,593 --> 01:08:48,398 Where's he going? 1173 01:08:49,313 --> 01:08:51,678 He's abandoned his steering! 1174 01:08:58,873 --> 01:09:00,648 It's jammed! 1175 01:09:00,733 --> 01:09:02,868 What? It's... 1176 01:09:02,953 --> 01:09:04,848 It's jammed! I can't open the hatch! 1177 01:09:04,933 --> 01:09:07,118 Well, I can't open it. 1178 01:09:08,833 --> 01:09:10,598 The hatch is jammed. 1179 01:09:15,673 --> 01:09:20,388 Er... guys, could you do like a pincer movement, OK? 1180 01:09:20,473 --> 01:09:22,688 Come alongside me at the same time 1181 01:09:22,773 --> 01:09:24,948 and try and slow me down. 1182 01:09:25,033 --> 01:09:27,648 So, what, we're gonna squeeze you and then slow you? 1183 01:09:27,733 --> 01:09:29,368 - We'll be your brakes? - Yeah. 1184 01:09:29,453 --> 01:09:33,568 So keep steering into me while braking. We'll try and stop it. 1185 01:09:33,653 --> 01:09:35,513 Shit. 1186 01:09:37,073 --> 01:09:39,638 OK, guys, come in! 1187 01:09:40,753 --> 01:09:43,468 Roger. 1188 01:09:43,553 --> 01:09:45,718 If this works, it'll be a miracle. 1189 01:09:48,113 --> 01:09:51,388 OK, steady. Match my speed. Match my speed. 1190 01:09:51,473 --> 01:09:53,238 Matching your speed. 1191 01:09:56,353 --> 01:09:58,798 Steering in. Steering in. 1192 01:10:05,193 --> 01:10:07,368 OK, start to brake. Start to brake. 1193 01:10:07,453 --> 01:10:09,588 Braking, braking. 1194 01:10:09,673 --> 01:10:13,048 OK, this is working. This is working. 1195 01:10:13,133 --> 01:10:15,008 My fuel tank is just down there, so... 1196 01:10:16,273 --> 01:10:18,408 Right. Oh, it's worked a bit. 1197 01:10:19,753 --> 01:10:22,721 OK, that's a small accident there. 1198 01:10:23,705 --> 01:10:25,963 Bloody hell, that worked! It's stopped! 1199 01:10:26,093 --> 01:10:28,174 But now you've gotta get it in neutral! 1200 01:10:28,260 --> 01:10:30,788 - Well, how do I get in? - I don't know. 1201 01:10:30,873 --> 01:10:33,448 There's a ladder at the back. Go down the ladder. 1202 01:10:33,533 --> 01:10:35,328 We have to shut it down! 1203 01:10:35,413 --> 01:10:36,988 It's trying to run away. 1204 01:10:37,346 --> 01:10:39,008 I've got my foot hard on the brake. 1205 01:10:39,093 --> 01:10:41,608 If we let go, it will take off. 1206 01:10:41,693 --> 01:10:43,237 Hurry up! 1207 01:10:46,353 --> 01:10:48,068 Right, down the back, 1208 01:10:48,153 --> 01:10:51,248 the window should be aligned with your... Use a bar stool. 1209 01:10:51,333 --> 01:10:53,398 Go to the back, where the windows are. 1210 01:10:56,833 --> 01:10:58,708 No, I can't. 1211 01:10:58,793 --> 01:11:00,848 - What do you mean, you can't? - I can't do it. 1212 01:11:00,933 --> 01:11:03,048 - Put your feet in first. - Hammond! 1213 01:11:03,133 --> 01:11:05,948 - What? - We need Hammond. He's little. 1214 01:11:06,033 --> 01:11:08,888 You can't get through the window. I can't take my foot off the brake. 1215 01:11:08,973 --> 01:11:11,848 I hope my handbrake holds, cos if it gives out, we've had it. 1216 01:11:11,933 --> 01:11:13,788 I can't get through the window. 1217 01:11:13,873 --> 01:11:16,408 Go in there. Can you put it in... just put it in park? 1218 01:11:16,493 --> 01:11:18,365 Turn it off. 1219 01:11:18,713 --> 01:11:21,928 - What are you doing? - Putting that in to make it easier. Look. 1220 01:11:22,013 --> 01:11:24,528 - Oh, right, that was my problem. - Yeah. Arghh! 1221 01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:26,848 - I did that. - Ow! Argh! 1222 01:11:26,933 --> 01:11:29,238 Ow! Pinched one! 1223 01:11:30,433 --> 01:11:32,008 - Right. I'm... - Quick! 1224 01:11:36,193 --> 01:11:38,137 Neutral! Oh. 1225 01:11:38,223 --> 01:11:39,388 - Oh. - Has he done it? 1226 01:11:39,473 --> 01:11:41,608 - Yes, he has. Jeez. - Neutral. I've shut it down. 1227 01:11:41,693 --> 01:11:43,457 Well done. 1228 01:11:43,833 --> 01:11:45,379 Oh, no! 1229 01:11:46,273 --> 01:11:47,328 - Hammond. - What? 1230 01:11:47,413 --> 01:11:48,688 Do you have any idea 1231 01:11:48,773 --> 01:11:51,848 how close that fuel tank is to my chassis rails? 1232 01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:53,168 Very. 1233 01:11:53,254 --> 01:11:55,596 You could have been blown to pieces, you idiot! 1234 01:11:55,833 --> 01:11:58,370 - Er... who's the idiot? - "Thank you, rescuers." 1235 01:11:58,456 --> 01:11:59,708 - "Who's the idiot?" - You are. 1236 01:11:59,793 --> 01:12:02,988 Why did this happen? There was nothing wrong with mine or his. 1237 01:12:03,073 --> 01:12:04,808 What do you mean there's nothing wrong with yours? 1238 01:12:04,893 --> 01:12:07,208 - You've got no windscreen. - I know, but it was driving OK. 1239 01:12:07,293 --> 01:12:10,228 I was in control of it. I was behind the wheel, I could use the pedals. 1240 01:12:10,313 --> 01:12:11,964 - I was in control of... - No, you weren't. 1241 01:12:12,049 --> 01:12:13,768 - Of the steering I was. - Well, that's brilliant. 1242 01:12:13,853 --> 01:12:16,807 We've saved you from being dashed to death on a distant mountain. 1243 01:12:16,893 --> 01:12:18,728 - I can't get out. - And this is the gratitude we get. 1244 01:12:18,813 --> 01:12:21,862 I was prepared to drive round in circles till it ran out of petrol. 1245 01:12:21,948 --> 01:12:24,528 - What's the matter? - I can't get out. I've got stuck. 1246 01:12:24,791 --> 01:12:27,548 This was a mistake. 1247 01:12:27,633 --> 01:12:31,188 - What's he done? - This... I can't... 1248 01:12:31,273 --> 01:12:34,326 - What were you thinking of? - My legs are on the glass. 1249 01:12:35,353 --> 01:12:37,561 This is a ridiculous day. 1250 01:12:37,690 --> 01:12:41,125 Let's see what can be done to rescue this situation. 1251 01:12:41,272 --> 01:12:42,607 Well, that's an interesting one, isn't it? 1252 01:12:42,693 --> 01:12:44,186 - Well, let's have a sit down and think. - Yeah, 1253 01:12:44,272 --> 01:12:45,350 there's a sofa here. 1254 01:12:45,436 --> 01:12:47,850 My knees are stuck on the window, it's very sore. 1255 01:12:48,133 --> 01:12:50,768 How did you manage that? Why didn't you go through legs first? 1256 01:12:50,853 --> 01:12:52,468 I couldn't because it's higher. 1257 01:12:52,553 --> 01:12:53,944 But didn't you take a bar stool with you? 1258 01:12:54,030 --> 01:12:54,561 Aargh! 1259 01:12:54,647 --> 01:12:56,779 Can I just say this holiday is not working out. 1260 01:12:56,865 --> 01:13:01,160 - No. - Why don't we just face facts? 1261 01:13:01,309 --> 01:13:04,248 - RVs are not good. - They're not good. 1262 01:13:04,334 --> 01:13:06,780 So why don't we just have a demolition derby? 1263 01:13:06,873 --> 01:13:08,468 - Well, no, wait a minute. - What? 1264 01:13:08,553 --> 01:13:10,398 That's not a bad idea, cos half of mine's gone already. 1265 01:13:10,483 --> 01:13:12,967 Yes, mine's pretty much ruined, cos he's broken the window. 1266 01:13:13,053 --> 01:13:14,881 Yes, but mine's intact, it's perfectly intact. 1267 01:13:14,967 --> 01:13:16,948 Nothing has gone wrong with it. I'm not destroying it. 1268 01:13:17,033 --> 01:13:18,808 Well, you'll win, then. You stand more chance of winning. 1269 01:13:18,893 --> 01:13:21,600 I'll tell you what, we'll have a vote. 1270 01:13:32,113 --> 01:13:34,368 Right, we've found three other people 1271 01:13:34,453 --> 01:13:37,588 who are equally disillusioned with their RVs 1272 01:13:37,673 --> 01:13:39,008 and the rules are very simple. 1273 01:13:39,178 --> 01:13:42,868 The last one still running is the winner. 1274 01:13:42,953 --> 01:13:46,368 Once we'd climbed aboard our race-modified RVs, 1275 01:13:46,453 --> 01:13:48,868 we were ready for the off. 1276 01:13:48,953 --> 01:13:51,748 This is a stupid idea. I disapprove. 1277 01:13:51,833 --> 01:13:55,078 It's needlessly destructive and I really like my little truck. 1278 01:13:56,157 --> 01:13:58,252 Here's my start line strategy. 1279 01:13:58,380 --> 01:14:01,548 Light goes green. Hard right! Hit James. 1280 01:14:01,633 --> 01:14:03,994 I want him to be a bonnet emblem 1281 01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:06,447 by the time I get to the first corner. 1282 01:14:06,557 --> 01:14:09,008 He doesn't realise that the window's fallen out of his RV 1283 01:14:09,093 --> 01:14:11,358 and I can hear everything he's saying. 1284 01:14:27,953 --> 01:14:30,025 Let's get this over with, shall we? 1285 01:14:31,953 --> 01:14:34,198 That's one done. 1286 01:14:39,953 --> 01:14:42,688 Obviously I'm not driving on the roof. 1287 01:14:42,773 --> 01:14:45,038 I think that would be unwise. 1288 01:14:46,313 --> 01:14:48,708 Closing up on the lavatory. 1289 01:14:48,793 --> 01:14:51,008 Here he goes. 1290 01:14:51,093 --> 01:14:53,278 Oh, he hit me hard there. 1291 01:14:55,833 --> 01:14:57,928 Turning right. 1292 01:14:58,013 --> 01:15:00,568 Oh, haw, haw, haw! 1293 01:15:13,753 --> 01:15:15,728 - Got him. - I've been hit again! 1294 01:15:15,813 --> 01:15:18,118 Bastard. 1295 01:15:19,753 --> 01:15:21,768 Meanwhile, in Hammond's truck, 1296 01:15:21,853 --> 01:15:24,128 there'd been a bit of a mood swing. 1297 01:15:24,213 --> 01:15:26,488 Ha, ha, ha. 1298 01:15:29,002 --> 01:15:31,097 OK, I change my mind. This is really good fun. 1299 01:15:34,993 --> 01:15:40,108 I have got the toughest vehicle here... I'm sure of that. 1300 01:15:40,513 --> 01:15:42,478 Aargh! Oh, ow, ow. 1301 01:15:44,277 --> 01:15:46,632 Have another go at Jeremy. 1302 01:15:46,968 --> 01:15:49,893 Ooh! Oh, my lights have come off. 1303 01:15:52,753 --> 01:15:55,208 The door was shut on me really badly. 1304 01:15:55,293 --> 01:15:58,048 I can't see over my bonnet. 1305 01:16:01,618 --> 01:16:05,253 Hammond's bonnet is completely off. 1306 01:16:05,627 --> 01:16:07,860 However, the Mad Max make-over 1307 01:16:07,946 --> 01:16:11,240 made his truck even more of a lethal weapon. 1308 01:16:11,333 --> 01:16:14,038 There you go! Hah. 1309 01:16:15,593 --> 01:16:17,888 - Ha ha ha. - Oh, that's brutal. 1310 01:16:17,973 --> 01:16:20,408 Oh, my door! 1311 01:16:20,541 --> 01:16:22,314 Oh! 1312 01:16:27,673 --> 01:16:29,788 I've been hit. 1313 01:16:30,059 --> 01:16:31,944 I've been hit again. 1314 01:16:33,753 --> 01:16:35,648 I'm in a sandwich of Americans. 1315 01:16:37,833 --> 01:16:39,994 It was at this point I noticed something 1316 01:16:40,080 --> 01:16:42,808 about one of those Americans. 1317 01:16:43,150 --> 01:16:44,988 Wait a minute. 1318 01:16:45,166 --> 01:16:46,988 It's that guy. 1319 01:16:47,073 --> 01:16:49,848 He's the one who's been following us. 1320 01:16:50,205 --> 01:16:51,924 What's he doing? 1321 01:16:53,593 --> 01:16:54,928 Oh, no, I'm being pushed. 1322 01:16:59,073 --> 01:17:02,568 We are being annihilated by the two remaining Americans. 1323 01:17:08,673 --> 01:17:10,408 As the contest heated up... 1324 01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:18,715 I decided to pick on the biggest RV. 1325 01:17:19,112 --> 01:17:21,687 You want demolition, have some. 1326 01:17:23,913 --> 01:17:25,033 Ha! Oh! 1327 01:17:33,953 --> 01:17:35,718 Oh, oh. 1328 01:17:37,713 --> 01:17:40,009 - Oh, hello, I'm leaking. - Oh, no! 1329 01:17:40,095 --> 01:17:42,236 Oh, no, I'm leaking fluid. 1330 01:17:46,273 --> 01:17:49,398 Following hit after brutal hit... 1331 01:17:50,753 --> 01:17:54,508 my opponent eventually conked out. 1332 01:17:54,593 --> 01:17:58,068 But the battle had left me badly wounded. 1333 01:17:58,537 --> 01:18:01,076 Oh, this does not bode well for my little truck. 1334 01:18:01,162 --> 01:18:03,427 I think my engine might be suffering. 1335 01:18:03,953 --> 01:18:05,709 Huh! Aargh! 1336 01:18:06,433 --> 01:18:07,959 Oh, whoa! 1337 01:18:09,833 --> 01:18:12,188 - Oh, that's gone badly wrong for me. 1338 01:18:12,273 --> 01:18:14,528 - I think I've lost a wheel now. - Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho. 1339 01:18:14,613 --> 01:18:16,248 I'm in a bad way. 1340 01:18:16,334 --> 01:18:18,229 I've lost steering. 1341 01:18:18,405 --> 01:18:20,780 Aaargh! 1342 01:18:21,193 --> 01:18:23,326 Hammond is history. 1343 01:18:25,033 --> 01:18:27,848 Now only three of us remained. 1344 01:18:27,933 --> 01:18:30,128 Come on. Hit James. 1345 01:18:30,213 --> 01:18:31,848 Ramming speed! 1346 01:18:38,893 --> 01:18:41,908 Ohhh! 1347 01:18:41,993 --> 01:18:44,568 - You bastard! - May's in the wall! 1348 01:18:44,653 --> 01:18:46,968 He's in the wall and toast. 1349 01:18:47,053 --> 01:18:50,249 It's just me and this weird man. 1350 01:18:50,793 --> 01:18:52,888 I'll get you, you bastard. 1351 01:18:53,210 --> 01:18:55,568 Whoa. 1352 01:19:00,113 --> 01:19:02,068 Get him! 1353 01:19:02,153 --> 01:19:04,303 I'm taking him. 1354 01:19:06,073 --> 01:19:08,318 Oh, Lord. 1355 01:19:10,513 --> 01:19:12,458 Going in hard and hot! 1356 01:19:21,513 --> 01:19:23,008 Yeaahhhh! 1357 01:19:23,093 --> 01:19:25,328 Ha-ha, hey! 1358 01:19:25,413 --> 01:19:27,068 Oh, yes! 1359 01:19:27,153 --> 01:19:31,062 The mighty RV boat is victorious. 1360 01:19:31,753 --> 01:19:33,548 Nothing else running. 1361 01:19:33,633 --> 01:19:35,414 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 1362 01:19:35,508 --> 01:19:36,508 Oh, yeah. 1363 01:19:36,593 --> 01:19:39,484 Well done. It's a glorious victory. 1364 01:19:39,570 --> 01:19:40,908 - Really. - It is. 1365 01:19:40,993 --> 01:19:44,281 And I think we've proved that if you must have an RV 1366 01:19:44,367 --> 01:19:47,302 it has to be a Chevrolet Pace Arrow. 1367 01:19:47,553 --> 01:19:48,748 - Yes. Yes. - Yes, it does. 1368 01:19:48,833 --> 01:19:50,562 Good, congratulations. Very well done. 1369 01:19:50,648 --> 01:19:51,708 - Meanwhile... - What? 1370 01:19:51,793 --> 01:19:53,776 We've gotta make camp for tonight 1371 01:19:53,862 --> 01:19:56,468 in these, so I would suggest just over there. 1372 01:19:56,635 --> 01:19:58,888 I think that's an excellent idea. As close as possible. 1373 01:19:58,973 --> 01:20:00,748 - Yes. - We can come to your pub. 1374 01:20:00,833 --> 01:20:02,090 Well, you're not expecting a drink, 1375 01:20:02,176 --> 01:20:03,137 - are you? - Why not? 1376 01:20:03,223 --> 01:20:04,661 - Pub's been demolished. - Has it? 1377 01:20:04,747 --> 01:20:06,367 - Yeah. - Oh, of course, it went into a wall. 1378 01:20:06,453 --> 01:20:08,229 - Happens a lot these days. - Ooh! Ooh! 1379 01:20:08,315 --> 01:20:09,668 - I nearly forgot. - What? 1380 01:20:09,753 --> 01:20:10,988 You know that guy that's been 1381 01:20:11,073 --> 01:20:12,862 following us around since we got here? 1382 01:20:13,010 --> 01:20:14,968 - No. - No. - The one in the race overalls. 1383 01:20:15,053 --> 01:20:17,135 - No. - You've still not seen him? 1384 01:20:17,221 --> 01:20:19,893 - Never seen him. - Well, you have, cos he was driving that. 1385 01:20:20,010 --> 01:20:21,586 - Was he? - Yes, I put him on... he's dead now. 1386 01:20:21,671 --> 01:20:22,741 - Good, good. - And now 1387 01:20:22,827 --> 01:20:24,179 he won't be following us any more 1388 01:20:24,265 --> 01:20:26,500 - because I've rolled him over. - You can tell us all about it 1389 01:20:26,585 --> 01:20:29,335 over a glass of water this evening. 1390 01:20:29,851 --> 01:20:33,046 With our race with the devil over... 1391 01:20:33,393 --> 01:20:35,708 we fell asleep quickly that night, 1392 01:20:35,793 --> 01:20:37,999 happy in the knowledge that the horror 1393 01:20:38,085 --> 01:20:41,624 of our RV holiday was finally over. 1394 01:20:44,624 --> 01:20:48,624 Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com